A businessman entered the IRS offices and asked:“Could you please give me two weeks of leave? I want to take my family for a holiday.”“You must be out of your mind,” – said the clerk. “Why are you asking us for leave?”“Where else would I go? Aren’t you the ones I work for?”
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $100 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money. Many people (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit and said in a tiny, squeaky voice:“I'd like to try the bet.”After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man, but the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $100 and asked the little man:“What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?”The man replied:“I work for the IRS.”
An old Catholic priest was dying. He sent a message for his I.R.S. agent and his lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the old priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed, grasped their hands, sighed contentedly and stared at the ceiling.
For a time no one said anything. Both the I.R.S. agent and the lawyer were touched and flattered that the old priest would ask them to be with him during his final moments, but they were puzzled, because the priest had never before given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally the lawyer asked:
“Father, why did you ask the two of us to come?
The old priest mustered up his failing strength, then said weakly:
“Jesus died between two thieves… and that is just how I want to go too”.
A businessman entered the IRS offices and asked:
“Could you please give me two weeks of leave? I want to take my family for a holiday.”
“You must be out of your mind,” – said the clerk. “Why are you asking us for leave?”
“Where else would I go? Aren’t you the ones I work for?”
