Category: Drinking Problem
STUBBORN FELLOW

A man had been drinking at the pub all night. At closing time, the man stood up to leave and fell down. He tried it once more with the same results. He figured that if he would crawl outside, maybe the fresh air would sober him up. Once on the street, he stood up and fell down. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he tried to stand up, but fell down again. He managed somehow to unlock the door, crawled through it and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he managed to pull himself upright, fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The next morning he was awakened by his wife standing next to the bed and shouting:

“You pig! You have been out drinking again!!”
 “What makes you say that?” – the man asked, putting on an innocent look.
 “They called from the pub – you left your wheelchair there again.”

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Category: Male Chauvinist PERFECT MATCH

Susan was in her late thirties and still not married. She had a hard time meeting men and the men she did meet all ended up being jerks. Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper. She wrote:

“Looking for a man who won't beat me, won't leave me and is excellent in bed.”

Several days went by and she hadn't gotten a single call. Then one day, as she was doing her laundry, she heard a knock on the door. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

“May I help you?” - she asked.

“I am the man of your dreams!” - said the man.

Completely baffled, she said:

“Excuse me?”

“I read your ad in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms so I can't beat you. I have no legs so I can never leave you.”

“But are you good in bed?” - she asked.

He replied:

“How do you think I knocked on the door?!”

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Category: Lawyers REALLY GENEROUS

The UJF (United Jewish Fund) realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his elegant office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying:

"Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to Israel. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the UJF?"

The lawyer thought for a minute and said:

"First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the UJF rep mumbled:

"Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," - said the lawyer, - "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken UJF rep began to stammer an apology, but was cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, said:

"I'm sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer said:

"So... if I didn't give any money to them, what in the hell makes you think I'd ever give any to you?"

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Category: Drinking Problem STUBBORN FELLOW A man had been drinking at the pub all night. At closing time, the man stood up to leave and fell down. He tried it once more with the same results. He figured that if he would crawl outside, maybe the fresh air would sober him up. Once on the street, he stood up and fell down. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he tried to stand up, but fell down again. He managed somehow to unlock the door, crawled through it and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he managed to pull himself upright, fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The next morning he was awakened by his wife standing next to the bed and shouting: “You pig! You have been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” – the man asked, putting on an innocent look. “They called from the pub – you left your wheelchair there again.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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