Category: Drinking Problem
STUBBORN FELLOW

A man had been drinking at the pub all night. At closing time, the man stood up to leave and fell down. He tried it once more with the same results. He figured that if he would crawl outside, maybe the fresh air would sober him up. Once on the street, he stood up and fell down. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he tried to stand up, but fell down again. He managed somehow to unlock the door, crawled through it and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he managed to pull himself upright, fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The next morning he was awakened by his wife standing next to the bed and shouting:

“You pig! You have been out drinking again!!”
 “What makes you say that?” – the man asked, putting on an innocent look.
 “They called from the pub – you left your wheelchair there again.”

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Category: Animal World

I DID NOT MEAN YOU

A drunkard took his dog for a walk. A passerby asked:
“What are you doing with that pig?”
“It is not a pig,” - said the lush, - “it’s a dog.”
“I wasn’t speaking to you, I was addressing your dog.”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

THE GOOD SAMARITAN

The giant lorry stopped with screeching brakes near the homely hitchhiker. The driver said condescendingly:

“Get in lass! I’m not a chauvinistic pig like the other drivers who only stop for pretty girls.”

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Category: C'est la Vie

STATUES

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," - he announced to them, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," - said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said:
"Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

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