Category: From The Mouths of Babes 

YOUNG ASSISTANT

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother pushed and pushed and after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded:

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. You should smack his butt again."

   

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Category: Drinking Problem
STUBBORN FELLOW

A man had been drinking at the pub all night. At closing time, the man stood up to leave and fell down. He tried it once more with the same results. He figured that if he would crawl outside, maybe the fresh air would sober him up. Once on the street, he stood up and fell down. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he tried to stand up, but fell down again. He managed somehow to unlock the door, crawled through it and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he managed to pull himself upright, fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The next morning he was awakened by his wife standing next to the bed and shouting:

“You pig! You have been out drinking again!!”
 “What makes you say that?” – the man asked, putting on an innocent look.
 “They called from the pub – you left your wheelchair there again.”

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Category: Marital Bliss

MASTER OF THE HOUSE

A woman, proud of the way her husband fulfills her every wish, invited her best friend to her house, for a demonstration.

As soon as the two were seated, she called out:

“Honey, would you bring Betty and me some coffee and biscuits.”

Without a word, her husband laid down his paper, shuffled out into the kitchen and a few minutes later came back, carrying a tray with refreshments. But his wife had additional instructions for him:

“Be a dear and take the dog out for a walk. You know that you both need the exercise. At the same opportunity, you could also carry out the garbage and check if there is anything in our mailbox.”

Silently, the well-trained man carried out his assignments. When at last he returned and was about to resume his reading, his spouse played her trump card and commanded:

“Now go and sit under the table.”

Obediently, her husband got down on fours and crawled to his assigned position.

Acknowledging her friend’s admiring glance, the woman at last relented and in a pacifying tone told her mate:

“You may come out again, sweetheart!”

But the man did not budge.

“What is the matter with you Max?” - wondered his sidekick. “Why don’t you come out?”

Proudly the man responded from his perch under the table:

“I want to show you once and for all who is the master of the house!”

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