Category: Ethnic Stories

UNITED JEWISH APPEAL

 

A customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases. In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in old one-dollar bills.

“Excuse me, sir” - he asked the old gentleman, - “where did you get all this money?”
“Vell, I'll tell you,” - the old man began, - “for many years, I traveled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls where the men were peeing and I said... ‘Give me a dollar for Israel, or I'll cut off your testicles vit my knife!’”
“That's quite a story,” - the customs agent said, - “what's in the second suitcase?”
“Vell, you know,” - said the old Jewish man shaking his head, - “not every one likes to give to Israel!”

Custom Search

Category: Ecumenical Stories

GADGETRY

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
"Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course, my child. What can I do for you?"
"Here is the problem; I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie."
"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions," - and she gave him the 'hair remover.'
The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked:
"Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son," – he replied.
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked:
"And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied:
"I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said:
"Go ahead Father. ................Next!"

Custom Search

Category: In the Middle East

NOMEN EST OMEN (The European version)

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrived at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stopped them and told them:

"It's a illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it'z illegal?" - asked the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" - replied the Italian official.

"Qvattro is just ze name of ze automobile", - the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze papers: zis car is designt to kerry 5 persons."

"You can'ta pulla thata one on me!", - replied the Italian customs agent. "Quattro meansa four. You hava fivea peopleina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law".

The German driver replied angrily:

"You idiot! Call your supervisor over, I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry", - responded the Italian official, - "he can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.

Custom Search