Category: Simpletons

DUMBFOUNDED

My cousin Moishe owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in North West London, a furniture store. I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to check out the merchandise himself and because he was still single, he could check out all the hot Italian women, and maybe get lucky.

As Moishe was checking into a hotel, he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English, so neither understood a word the other spoke. He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

Moishe was dumbfounded and to this day remarks to me that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.

 

Custom Search

Category: Boys and Girls

IMPERCEBTIBLE

At the New Year Eve ball, a young man noticed a ravishing woman and asked her for a dance. The lady looked him over and then uttered devastatingly:

“Did you really think I would dance with a child?”

The young man apologized:

“Excuse me Madam, I really didn’t know you were pregnant.”

Custom Search

Category: Ecumenical Stories ORTHODOX WEDDING

A modern Orthodox couple, preparing for a religious wedding, met with their rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asked if they had any last questions. The man asked:

“Rabbi, is it true that men and women don't dance together?”

“Yes,” - said the rabbi. “For modesty reasons, men and women always dance separately.”

“So at our wedding, I can't dance with my own wife?”

“Absolutely not. It’s immodest.”

“Well, okay,” - said the man, - “but what about sex?”

“Fine,” - said the rabbi. “It is a mitzvah*, a good thing within the marriage to have children!”

“What about different positions?” - the man asked.

“No problem,” - said the rabbi. “It's a mitzvah!”

“Woman on top?” - the man asked.

“Sure,” - replied the rabbi – “go for it. Sex in a marriage is a mitzvah!”

“Without clothes?”

“Of course! It's a mitzvah!”

“Doggy style?"

"Why not? Another mitzvah!"

“Even on the table?”

“Yes, yes! It's a mitzvah!”

"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"

"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"

“Well, what about standing up?”

“OH, NO! NO!” said the rabbi.

“Why not???” asked the man.

“Could lead to dancing!”

* Mitzvah: A worthy deed, conforming to Jewish religious law.

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss THE SECRET

“What is the secret of a good marriage?”

“My wife and I agreed that we’ll dine twice weekly at some quiet little place. Candlelight, soft music, a few turns on the dance-floor… She is goes every Wednesday, I go every Friday.”

Custom Search