Category: Marital Bliss

UNREASONABLE DEMAND

“I heard that you and your wife quarreled, what happened?”

“We could not agree about our summer holidays.”

“How come?”

“I decided to go to the Canary Islands and she insisted on coming with me.”

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Category: Marital Bliss

CLASSICAL STORY

Every day, an exhausted Dr. Fraud would arrive home wanting to relax for a while with a quiet piece of music. But a loud blast of offensive pop music from the neighboring apartment would completely drown out the delicate strains of the classical piece. One day he had had enough. He knocked on his neighbor’s door and asked:

“Do you know who Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is?”

“No I don’t” - answered the surprised man.

“And have you heard of Ludwig van Beethoven?”

Again the man professed his ignorance, but the other one hammered away relentlessly:

“Does the name Felix Bartholdy Mendelsohn mean anything to you?”

“Who are these people?” - asked the neighbor. “Should I know them?”

“Of course you should, you ignoramus. These are people who wrote music, real music and not this caterwauling you make us all listen to.”

The neighbor thought for a while and then he too posed a question:

“Do you know Tom Noggin?”

It was the turn of Dr. Fraud to act surprised:

“Who might he be? Should I know him?”

“Of course you should. He is the man who comes to your house and screws your wife every Wednesday evening when you go to your concerts.”

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Category: Marital Bliss

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND

One office-worker to another:

“Yesterday was our 5th wedding anniversary and I gave my wife an airline ticket to Australia.”

“Really,” – wondered his colleague, – “isn’t that a little extravagant? What gift will you give her for your 25th Anniversary?”

“A return ticket.”

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Category: Marital Bliss THE SECRET

“What is the secret of a good marriage?”

“My wife and I agreed that we’ll dine twice weekly at some quiet little place. Candlelight, soft music, a few turns on the dance-floor… She is goes every Wednesday, I go every Friday.”

FAIR PLAY

“Daddy, why is it that the bride and the groom kiss each other after their wedding ceremony?”

“It is like boxers who shake hands before the start of a fight.”

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Category: Marital Bliss

EASY WORK, GOOD PAY

It was a quiet evening at the Jones’s. The wife was doing her needlework, the husband reading his newspaper, when suddenly Jones spoke up:

“It says here in the paper that there are not enough males in Sweden and some ladies pay men $100 just for spending one night with them. Maybe I should emigrate there.”

“Yes, maybe you should,” – said Mrs. Jones, never dropping an eye, – “but could you survive on $100 a month?”

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Category: Marital Bliss

WAITING FOR THE BUS

The cupboard door at the Smith’s house had a maddening habit of opening by itself. Mrs. Smith had it repaired twice, but it kept opening. One day she noticed that it opened only when the No. 5 bus passed before their house. When she told the carpenter of her observation, he looked skeptical:

“Lady, I do not doubt your words,” – he said, – “but I want to see this occurrence with my own eyes.”

He stepped into the cupboard, closed the door behind him and waited for the bus to pass. Just then, Mr. Smith returned from work and before his wife could utter a word, went to the cupboard to hang his coat. He opened the door and to his surprise found a stranger inside.

“What are you doing here?” – exclaimed the husband.

“If I told you that I’m waiting for the No. 5 Bus, would you believe me?”

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Category: Marital Bliss

UNBEARABLE LOSS

After placing some flowers on his mother’s grave the man started walking back to the cemetery gate, where he has left his car. On the way, he noticed a man kneeling before one of the graves, praying with devotion:

“Why did you have to die, why did you have to die?”

Our man went over to the mourner and addressed him:

“Sir, I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I must tell you that I’ve never seen such immense pain as you exhibited in your prayers. Whom are you mourning so deeply? A child? Your parents? May I respectfully inquire who is it who is buried here?”

The mourner raised his tear-speckled face and in a broken voice answered:

“My wife’s first husband. Oh, why did he have to die, why, why?”

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