A husband and wife were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning, when he said to her:"If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff..""Now why would you want me to do something like that?" - she asked."I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some asshole using my stuff."She looked at him and said:"What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?”
RETIREMENT PRESENT
The neighborhood postman was retiring after 25 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mailbox in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts and some met him at the door and invited him in for a meal. This went on all through the neighborhood. As he proceeded through his route, the gifts got better and better. One house even gave him a gold watch!
He was very satisfied, but the last house paled in comparison. As he was putting the mail in the mailbox, the door opened and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lin
The next morning he woke up to find she was bringing him breakfast in bed. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained:
“When I called my husband ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said: 'Screw him, give him a dollar.' Breakfast was my idea.”
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek.
“I assume, “ – she snarled, – “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?”
“There is,” – he replied, – “breakfast.”
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