Category: Naughty Jokes PORNO MOVIE

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor was asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

“I'm afraid I don't have a husband” - she replied.

“O.K. do you have a boyfriend?” - asked the midwife.

“No, no boyfriend either. I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own.”

After the birth the midwife again spoke to the young woman.

“You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black”

“Well,” - replied the girl, - “I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The lead man was black.”

“Oh, I'm very sorry,” - said the midwife, - “that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair.”

“Well yes,” - the girl again replied, - “you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” - the midwife repeated, - “that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes.”

“Well yes,” - continued the girl, - “I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice.”

At this the midwife again apologized, collected the baby and presented her to the girl, who immediately proceeded to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby started crying and the mother exclaimed:

“Thank God for that!”

“What do you mean?” - asked the midwife.

“Well,” - said the girl extremely relieved, - “I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

CAUTIOUS GUY

It happened in the Garden of Eden:

God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and took one of his ribs. From the rib, he made a woman and brought her unto the man. They were both naked, the man and his wife and were not ashamed. Adam called his wife's name Eve.

Eve asked Adam what he did about entertainment before she came on the scene. Adam shrugged and showed her a hole in the trunk of a nearby tree, located at just about the right height for him to thrust his desires away. Smiling, Eve said:

“Well, I have news for you. I’m fully equipped to take care of those needs.”

She lay down on her back and opened her legs. Adam, eyes wide open, took a good look and then kicked her right between her legs as hard as he could. Eve cried out with pain:

“And what was that for?” - she asked with tears in her eyes. Replied Adam:

“Oh, just driving off the squirrels.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes MOVING MEN There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.

“I’ll get the door,” – said the first ovary. She looked out the peephole and asked:

“Did you order furniture?”

“No, why?” – asked the other.

“Because there are two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes MUCH BETTER

A college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach said:

“You’re such a big guy. Why did you marry such a petite woman? She’s no bigger than your hand.”

“That’s right Coach,” – replied the lineman, – “but she's much better!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes ON DRAFT

Arriving for her artificial insemination, the young wife was surprised when the attendant locked the door behind them and began taking off his clothes.

“And just what do you think you're doing?” – she demanded.

“Sorry,” – said the young man, – “but we're all out of the bottled stuff. I've got to give it to you on draft.”

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Category: Mother-In-Law NOT AN ENJOYABLE OCCASION

With her last breath the terminally sick woman asked of her husband:

“I want you to give me your word, my dear, that you and my mother will make up and you will walk side-by-side after my coffin at my funeral.”

Huffily the husband grumbled:

“I promise, I promise, but I must confess, that I will not enjoy this funeral very much.”

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Category: Mothers CABBIES

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally found a cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asked her mother:

“Mummy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?”

The mother replied:

“Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work.”

The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turned to the mother and said:

“Ahhhhhhh, C'mon lady!!!! Tell your daughter the truth!!!! For crying out loud. They're hookers!”

A brief period of silence followed and the girl then asked:

“Mummy, do the ladies have any children?”

The mother replied:

“Of course dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?”

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