Category: Women's Lib

GIFTS

One day the Lord came to Adam and said:

“I've got some good news and some bad news”.

Adam said:

“Well, give me the good news first.”

The Lord explained:

“I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your species and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you have this organ to give her children.”

Adam, very excited, exclaimed:

“These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow:

“You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time.”

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Category: Boys and Girls

ORGAN PLAYERS

While making love together for the first time, Joe was furious when his girlfriend suddenly stopped and laid back.

“What’s wrong?” – he demanded.

“Forgive me,” – she said, – “but it’s your organ. It just isn’t big enough.

“Forgive me,” – Joe replied, – “but it wasn’t meant to be played in a cathedral.“

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Category: Naughty Jokes

BRIEF, BUT NAUGHTY

¬ Question:

“Why does English beer remind one of having sex in a boat?”        

Answer:

“It is fucking close to water.”

¬ Question:

“Why is a joke like a pussy?”

Answer:

“Neither is any fun if you don't get it.”

¬ Question:

 “What is preferable to roses on your piano?”

Answer:

“Tulips on your organ.”

¬ Question:

“Why did God create Eve?”

Answer:

“Adam’s right hand was getting stiff.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

CROSSWORD-PUZZLE

 „What is it: ‘female genital organ, five letters’?”

„Across, or down?”

„Across.”

„Mouth.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations 

CURE ALL

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
     When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
     "Miss Bea," - he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" - pointing to the bowl.
     "Oh, yes," - she replied, - "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"

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Category: Naugthy Jokes 

CROSSWORD-PUZZLE

„What is it: ‘female genital organ, five letters’?”
„Across, or down?”
„Across.”
„Mouth.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

MOVING MEN

There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.

“I’ll get the door,” – said the first ovary. She looked out the peephole and asked:

“Did you order furniture?”

“No, why?” – asked the other.

“Because there are two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

SURE SIGN

The two women were neighbors for many years. One of them noticed that every time she hung out her washing, it started raining, whereas when the other woman decided to do her washing the weather was always fair. One day she decided to ask her neighbor if she has some sort of system for ascertaining the weather on the day she hangs her laundry.

The woman replied:

“It is really very simple. I’m always up first in the morning and before getting out of bed, I raise the blanket and have a look inside my husband’s pajama bottoms. If I find that his organ has fallen to the left side, I know it will rain, but if it happens to fall to the right, I am positive the sun will shine.”

“And what if his penis stays in the middle?” - insisted her neighbor.

“In that case, who wants to bother with the washing!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

“What is a ‘female genital organ, 5 letters?”

“Horizontal, or vertical?”

“Horizontal.”

“Mouth.”

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Category: Simpletons NOT MINE

As a result of an accident in the workshop, a foreman’s ear was cut off. His co-workers rushed him to the nearest hospital. The duty-surgeon examined the patient and then asked:

“Did anyone have the sense to bring the missing organ? If no time is wasted, it can be reattached and all that will remain from the accident will be an almost unnoticeable scar.”

When they all shook their heads in negation he ordered them to hasten back to the workshop and retrieve it. A short while later the ear was brought to the hospital in a plastic bag. After the blood was washed off, the injured man was asked if this is his ear.

“No,” - said the man, - “mine had a pencil behind it.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

¬ Question:

“Why does English beer remind one of having sex in a boat?”

Answer:

“It is fucking close to water.”

¬ Question:

“Why is a joke like a pussy?”

Answer:

“Neither is any fun if you don't get it.”

¬ Question:

“What is preferable to roses on your piano?”

Answer:

“Tulips on your organ.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

TATTOO

A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked for the words “yes” and “no” to be tattooed on his penis. When the job was complete, the man thought that it looked great. That night, when he went home, he approached his wife in their bedroom, stripped off his pants, then his boxer shorts and there was his aroused organ displaying his new tattoo. He asked his wife:

“Well Honey, what do you think of my new tattoo?”

She answered:

“You tell me how to cook, how to clean the house, how to do the laundry and now you are going to put words in my mouth.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations CURE ALL

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Bea," - he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" - pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," - she replied, - "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"

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Category: Naughty Jokes MOVING MEN There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.

“I’ll get the door,” – said the first ovary. She looked out the peephole and asked:

“Did you order furniture?”

“No, why?” – asked the other.

“Because there are two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Male Chauvinists NATURAL PHENOMENON

The well-endowed youth was very proud of his prodigious equipment. One sultry summer day early morning, he passed by a lake and felt very much like taking a swim. He did not have a bathing suit, but since no one was around, he quickly undressed and went skinny-dipping. The water was so cool and refreshing that he forgot himself and when he came out of the lake, other people were already on the shore.

A passerby stopped, stared in wonder and then started sniggering at the slowly emerging youth’s male organ, which seemed to be of infinite length. Only when the water reached the bather’s knees, came its tip finally into sight. The man reacted angrily at the ridicule of the onlookers:

“You ignoramuses, don’t you know it shrinks in cold water?”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Naughty Jokes A SURE SIGN

The two women were neighbors for many years. One of them noticed that every time she hung out her washing, it started raining, whereas when the other woman decided to do her washing the weather was always fair. One day she decided to ask her neighbor if she has some sort of system for ascertaining the weather on the day she hangs her laundry.

The woman replied:

“It is really very simple. I’m always up first in the morning and before getting out of bed, I raise the blanket and have a look inside my husband’s pajama bottoms. If I find that his organ has fallen to the left side, I know it will rain, but if it happens to fall to the right, I am positive the sun will shine.”

“And what if his penis stays in the middle?” - insisted her neighbor.

“In that case, who wants to bother with the washing!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes CROSSWORD PUZZLE “What is a ‘female genital organ, 5 letters?” “Horizontal, or vertical?” “Horizontal.” “Mouth.”

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