Category: Naughty Jokes

 JAMAICAN FIREMAN

A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife:

“Y'know sump tin, honey, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station...

Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.

Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.

Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.

From now on, when I says, 'Bell one,' I want you to strip naked, 'Bell two,' you jump on de bed,    'Bell tree,' we's gonna mek love all tru de night."

The next night, he came home and shouted, 'Bell One' and she stripped naked. 'Bell Two' and she jumped on the bed. 'Bell Tree' and they started to make love.

After a few minutes, the wife yelled out:

"BellFour!"

“What de hell is 'Bell Four', woman?" - asked the astonished Jamaican.

She replied: .

“Roll out more hose, man, you ain't nowhere near de fire.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

MY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears, so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.  

The lady went to the drug store and got some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist told her:

"If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

She said:

"I'm not using it under my arms."

The clerk said:

"If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."

She said:

"I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The clerk said:

"Stay off your bicycle for a week."

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Category: Naughty Jokes

GARDENING

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a neighbor, who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentleman:

"What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

The gentleman responded:

"Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman:

"By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No”, – she replied, – "but my cucumbers are enormous.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

THE SHOES

Gorgio has been in the United States for about six months. He walked to work every day and passed a shoe store. Each day he stopped to look in the window and admired a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. After about two months, he saved the $300 the shoes cost and purchased them.

Each Friday night the Italian community got together at a dance at the church basement, so Giorgio seized the opportunity to wear his new shoes to the dance. He asked Sophia to dance and as they danced asked her:

“Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?”

Sophia (startled): “Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?”

Giorgio: “I see the reflection in my new $300 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?”

Next he asked Rosa to dance, after a few minutes he said to her:

“Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?”

Rosa: “Yes, Giorgio, I do, but how do you know that?”

Giorgio: “I see the reflection in my new $300 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?”

The evening was almost over and the last song was being played. Giorgio asked Carmella to dance. Midway through the dance his face turned red:

Giorgio: “Carmella, still my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tell me this is true!”

Carmella: “Yes, yes, Giorgio, I wear no panties tonight.”

Giorgio (gasping): “Thank God... I thought I had a crack in my $300 Bocceli leather shoes.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

THE COWBOY

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had he biggest feet she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said:

“Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?”

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said:

“Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.”

The woman replied:

“Don't flatter yourself....... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”

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Category: Naugthy Jokes

 HOLES

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied:

“I'm on the 7th hole and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said:

“I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me and so you must be on the 13th.”

Once again he thanked her and on finishing his round, went into the clubhouse and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said:

“Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.”

They started a conversation and the man asked the lady what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold. She replied:

“If I told you, you would only laugh.”

“No, I wouldn't,” – he said. 

She said:

“I sell tampons.”

With that he started laughing so hard that he fell on the floor. She said:

“See, I knew you would laugh.”

“That's not what I'm laughing at,” – he replied. “I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!” 

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