Category: Ethnic Stories
PENPAL

A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced:

"I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this
week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories
BEE INCONSPICOUS

Two bees met in a park and shot the breeze. One bee said to the other:

"How's the pollen thing going, Bobby?"

Terrible, just terrible ,Vern!" - moaned the second bee. "I haven't collected any pollen all morning.  I'm a failure."

"No you're not," - the first bee responded sympathetically. "Look, I've got just the thing, Bobby.  Go down to the last house on this street.  They're Jewish; they're having a bar mitzvah and the house is filled with flowers. More pollen than you've ever seen."

Later that same day the bees met at the hive. The first bee said:

"So, Bobby, how did it go this afternoon?"

"Great, Vern! Just great!" - enthused the second bee. "I scored so much pollen at that Jewish affair you told me about that I had to make three trips to the hive just to get it all in the door".

"Nifty, Bob, but, uh, what's that thing on your head?" - asked the first bee.

"Something called a yarmulke, I think," - the second bee replied confidentially. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

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Category: Ethnic Stories
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE

The British in relation to recent bombings have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved'. Security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Meanwhile, the French government has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Neighbor, Italy has increased its alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert level from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". Two higher levels remain: "invade Poland" and "lose".

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Category: Ethnic Stories
IRISH FABLE

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor sighed, looked O'Malley in the eye and said:

"I've some bad news for you. You have cancer and it can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order as soon as possible."

O'Malley was shocked but being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room, where his son was waiting.

"Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."

After 3 or 4 pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of  O'Malley's friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them they were drinking to his impending end. He then told his friends:

 "I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends gave O'Malley their condolences and they had a couple more beers. After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion.

"Dad, I thought you told me that you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!".

O'Malley then replied:

"I don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I am gone."

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Category: Ethnic Stories
COMPOSITION

An Englishman, an American and an Indian participated in an English composition course. The task each received from the teacher is to write a short story using the words ‘green, pink and yellow’.

The next day the American read his story before the class:

“Yesterday I drove my pink Cadillac to a green football field and ate a yellow banana.”

The Englishman’s story went like that:

“Yesterday I had green tea in a yellow cup and ate a pink cake.”

The last was the Indian to recite his composition:

“Yesterday I came home and heard the phone green green so I pinked it up and said yellow.” 

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Category: Ethnic Stories
AFRICAN ROULETTE

An African leader made an official trip to Russia. At the end of the trip, the Russian leader told the African that in Russia they have a custom performed at farewells called "Russian Roulette" to demonstrate one's courage. The Russian whipped out a revolver, loaded one chamber, gave the cylinder spin, put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

..CLICK...empty chamber.

He handed the revolver to his African guest and said:

"Your turn."

Not to be outdone, the African repeated the ritual.

..CLICK...empty.

The next year, the Russian visited the African country. At the end of the trip, the African told his Russian peer that he was very impressed with "Russian Roulette" and that he has spent the last year devising an African ritual to demonstrate one's courage. The African then disappeared through a door only to reappear a few minutes later smiling and said:

"Your turn."

The African escorted the Russian through the door. In the room were six of the most beautiful, he has ever seen, stark naked. The African explained that he is to choose one of the women, who will perform oral sex on him. Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asked:

"What kind of test of courage is this?"

 "One of them is a cannibal."

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

SUNDAY SCHOOL

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday school every week. On one Sunday, an out-of-town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said:
"Hey, how about you and me having dinner on Tuesday?"
 "Why, yes, that would be nice," - the lady responded. The gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested:
"Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," - said this fine example of southern womanhood. "Whatever would I tell my Sunday school class?"
 Our gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked:
"Would you like a smoke?"
 "Oh my, goodness no," - said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday school class if I  did?"
 Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with:
"Ahhh .  mmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?"
 "Sure, that would be nice," - she said with anticipation. The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U- turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in. The next morning, after a wild and passionate night, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought:
"What the heck have I done?"
He shook her awake and pleaded:
"I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday school class?"
 The lady said:
"The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.'"

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