Category: Ecumenical Stories

SUNDAY SCHOOL

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday school every week. On one Sunday, an out-of-town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said:
"Hey, how about you and me having dinner on Tuesday?"
 "Why, yes, that would be nice," - the lady responded. The gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested:
"Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," - said this fine example of southern womanhood. "Whatever would I tell my Sunday school class?"
 Our gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked:
"Would you like a smoke?"
 "Oh my, goodness no," - said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday school class if I  did?"
 Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with:
"Ahhh .  mmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?"
 "Sure, that would be nice," - she said with anticipation. The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U- turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in. The next morning, after a wild and passionate night, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought:
"What the heck have I done?"
He shook her awake and pleaded:
"I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday school class?"
 The lady said:
"The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.'"

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

THE SMILE

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said:

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said:
"Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said:
"Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said:
"Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked:
"Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said:
"No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

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Category: Animal World

THE MOUSE AND THE GIRAFFE

This one mouse in the zoo had a crush on the giraffe. One night he built up enough courage to visit the giraffe and things went pretty well. Soon, one thing led to another and they ended up spending a passionate night together. The next morning the baboon walked past the mouse and saw the poor little guy lying exhausted on the floor.

“How did it go with giraffe last night?” - he asked. The mouse, barely able to lift his head, replied:
“I'll tell you one thing, between the french kissing and the sex, I must have run about a hundred miles last night!”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

BREAKFAST AL A FRESCO

After a long-lasting liaison, a couple became somehow separated. About 20 years later, when they met again, the old flame was rekindled and they decided to live together. The next morning, following a night of passionate lovemaking, the woman came to the breakfast table stark naked. Noticing the look on her mate’s face, she asked:
“Isn’t this the costume you always wanted me to wear?”
“Yes,” – responded her paramour, – “but you should have ironed it first.”

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Category: Marital Bliss

AT THE BOOKSHOP

“Do you have the book “Household Chores for the Husband?”

“I’m sorry, we don’t stock fairy tales.”

PREPOSTEROUS SUGGESTION

A husband and wife were strolling in the park and saw a young man passionately kissing his girlfriend.

“Tell me Pa,” - asked the wife - “how about doing that too?”

“You must be joking! I don’t even know the girl.”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

NO PROFITEERING

A child opened the door to his sister’s room just when she was engaged in making passionate love to her boyfriend. The alarmed man offered the boy $20, lest he should tell his parents of their misbehavior, but the boy said:

“$10 will be enough. You shouldn’t pay more than the rest of them.”

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