Category: Boys and Girls

QUESTIONS/ANSWERS

¬ Question

 “Why do women fake orgasms?”
Answer:
“Because they think guys actually care.”
¬ Question:
“What is the difference between a person about to commit suicide and a virgin?”
Answer:
“A suicide is trying to die and a virgin is dying to try.”
¬ Question:
“What is a décolletage?”
Answer:
“A low neckline with the help of which a young woman gets herself a husband and an elderly woman pneumonia.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

LOVE HAS NO LIMITS

The elderly couple met at a pensioners’ social evening and immediately took a fancy to each other. He invited her for a walk in the nearby park; they rested for a while behind some bushes, one thing followed another and soon they were proving that there is no age-limit to lovemaking.
The man was the first to recover and breathing heavily remarked:
“I did not know that at your age you would still be a virgin.”
“If I would have known that you can still get it up at your age,” – replied his date, – “I would have taken off my panties.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

LENT

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied:

“Because it's Lent.”

“Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard” – she exclaimed, close to tears. “To whom and for how long?!”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

NUMBERING SYSTEM

A young Chinese couple got married – and she was a virgin. Truth be told, he was a virgin too, but she didn't know that. On the wedding night, she cowered naked under the bed sheets as her husband undressed in the darkness. He climbed in next to her and tried to be reassuring:

“My daring" – he whispered – "I know dis you firs time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want, you juss ask... so... whatchu want?" – he said, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hoped will impress her.

A thoughtful silence followed and he waited patiently (and eagerly) for her request. After a while she shyly whispered back:

"I want to try someting I have heard about from other gurls... Numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone, he asked her:

"You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegetable?"

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Category: Ethnic Stories

MARY AND THE HOTEL CLERK

Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said:

“I’m sorry Madam, there’s no room. The hotel is full.”

The Jewish lady said:

“But your sign says that you have vacancies.”

The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly:

“You know that we do not admit Jews. Now, if you will try the other side of town...”

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said:

“I'll have you know that I converted to your religion.”

The desk clerk said:

“Oh, yeah, then let me give you a little test: How was Jesus born?”

Mrs. Rosenberg replied:

“He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem.”

“Very good,” - replied the hotel clerk, - “tell me more.”

Mrs. Rosenberg replied:

“He was born in a manger.”

“That's right,” - said the hotel clerk - “and why was he born in a manger?”

Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly:

“Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

The old, but still agile maid came to her much younger lady-friend, known for her promiscuity and said:

“I have a confession to make. I am 80 years old, but still a virgin. I find it unbearable to die without having been with a man at least once. If you are really a good friend, you will help me get a man. I have a few hundred dollars and I am ready to pay for his services.”

The friend was aghast:

“My dear, at your advanced age, the shock could cause you a heart attack,” - she warned.

The old lady was adamant and in the end, her confidant went out to the nearby park and asked the shabbily dressed vagrant sitting on one of the benches:

“Do you want to make a few bucks? A friend of mine is anxious to be introduced to the pleasures of the flesh.”

The tramp was only too willing, until he saw the intended object of his tryst. Only when he heard the amount he was to be paid, did he relent and take the old girl to a nearby hotel for the night. In the morning when her friend came to the hotel, she found the tramp in bed, having a luxurious breakfast, but the ancient dame was nowhere to be seen.

“You bum! What did you do with her?” – she shouted. “Is she in the hospital? Is she dead?”

“Hush, hush,” – said the man, finishing off a bottle of quality wine. “There is no need to get excited. My lady friend just went to the bank to withdraw her savings.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

HILLBILLY HONEYMOON

Once there was a hillbilly boy who, after getting his G.E.D. (high school equivalency diploma) went to work for his father in the family business of Rust-Collecting. One day he met a hillbilly girl, they hit it off and started dating. They enjoyed each other's company and both liked the same things, like Cow-Tipping and Beater-Car-Smashing. Eventually, they decided to marry.

After the ceremony, the boy really looked forward to the wedding night and to show how much this marriage meant to him, he took his new bride to a real pay motel. When they arrived, his wife went into the bathroom to change, while he was getting ready himself. She came out of the bathroom dressed in her sexiest burlap and the boy grabbed her and tossed her on the bed.

“Be gentle with me,” - she said, - “I'm a virgin.”

The boy immediately flew into a rage, got dressed, grabbed the girl and threw her into the back of his pickup truck. He screeched to a stop in front of her parents' house, threw her out, and burned rubber out of there. He drove to his Dad's house and told him the whole story, with eyes filled with tears. His Dad comforted him and said:

“You did the right thing, son, don't feel bad. A VIRGIN??!! Well, if she wasn't good enough for HER family, she sure isn't good enough for OURS!!!”

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Category: C'est la Vie THE IRISH VIRGIN

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved and it read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

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Category: Naughty Jokes LENT

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied:

“Because it's Lent.”

“Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard” – she exclaimed, close to tears. “To whom and for how long?!”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Old Age Humiliations LOVE HAS NO LIMITS

The elderly couple met at a pensioners’ social evening and immediately took a fancy to each other. He invited her for a walk in the nearby park; they rested for a while behind some bushes, one thing followed another and soon they were proving that there is no age-limit to lovemaking.

The man was the first to recover and breathing heavily remarked:

“I did not know that at your age you would still be a virgin.”

“If I would have known that you can still get it up at your age,” – replied his date, – “I would have taken off my panties.”

Custom Search

Category: Ethnic Stories HILLBILLY HONEYMOON

Once there was a hillbilly boy who, after getting his G.E.D. (high school equivalency diploma) went to work for his father in the family business of Rust-Collecting. One day he met a hillbilly girl, they hit it off and started dating. They enjoyed each other's company and both liked the same things, like Cow-Tipping and Beater-Car-Smashing. Eventually, they decided to marry.

After the ceremony, the boy really looked forward to the wedding night and to show how much this marriage meant to him, he took his new bride to a real pay motel. When they arrived, his wife went into the bathroom to change, while he was getting ready himself. She came out of the bathroom dressed in her sexiest burlap and the boy grabbed her and tossed her on the bed.

“Be gentle with me,” - she said, - “I'm a virgin.”

The boy immediately flew into a rage, got dressed, grabbed the girl and threw her into the back of his pickup truck. He screeched to a stop in front of her parents' house, threw her out, and burned rubber out of there. He drove to his Dad's house and told him the whole story, with eyes filled with tears. His Dad comforted him and said:

“You did the right thing, son, don't feel bad. A VIRGIN??!! Well, if she wasn't good enough for HER family, she sure isn't good enough for OURS!!!”

Custom Search