Category: Old Age Humiliations

RECURRENCE

An 85-year-old man married a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new husband was so old, the woman decided that on their wedding night they should have separate suites. She was concerned that the old fellow would overexert himself. After the festivities she prepared herself for bed and for the knock on the door she expected. Sure enough the knock came and there was her groom ready for action. They united in conjugal union and all went well whereupon he took his leave of her and she prepared to go to sleep for the night.
After a few minutes there was a knock on the door and there was old guy again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she consented to further coupling, which was again successful, after which the octogenarian bid her a fond good night and left.
She was certainly ready for slumber at this point and was close to sleep for the second time when there was another knock at the door and there he was again fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for more. Once again they did the horizontal boogie. As they were lying in afterglow the young bride said to him:
“I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I’ve been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one.”
The old guy looked puzzled, turned to her and said: “Was I already here?”

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Category: Mothers

A WORD FROM THE WISE

Like a hen worried about her brood, the mother hovered around the room, where her just-married daughter and husband had retired for their wedding night. She put her ear to the keyhole and tried to divine from the sounds emerging from inside, if everything was all right.

The freshly minted husband had some difficulties. In the morning, excited about the upcoming event, he was in a hurry to get dressed and now could not untie his shoelaces. His bride tried to help him, but she too, could not manage to untie the knot.

From the other side of the door the mother heard the following:

“I cannot manage. It simply does not go!” - said her son-in-law.

“So let’s cut the damn thing,” - suggested the daughter.

Here the mother could restrain herself no longer.

“For God’s sake,” - she shouted through the keyhole - “don’t cut it! Try some petroleum jelly.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

NUMBERING SYSTEM

A young Chinese couple got married – and she was a virgin. Truth be told, he was a virgin too, but she didn't know that. On the wedding night, she cowered naked under the bed sheets as her husband undressed in the darkness. He climbed in next to her and tried to be reassuring:

“My daring" – he whispered – "I know dis you firs time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want, you juss ask... so... whatchu want?" – he said, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hoped will impress her.

A thoughtful silence followed and he waited patiently (and eagerly) for her request. After a while she shyly whispered back:

"I want to try someting I have heard about from other gurls... Numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone, he asked her:

"You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegetable?"

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Category: Ethnic Stories

HILLBILLY HONEYMOON

Once there was a hillbilly boy who, after getting his G.E.D. (high school equivalency diploma) went to work for his father in the family business of Rust-Collecting. One day he met a hillbilly girl, they hit it off and started dating. They enjoyed each other's company and both liked the same things, like Cow-Tipping and Beater-Car-Smashing. Eventually, they decided to marry.

After the ceremony, the boy really looked forward to the wedding night and to show how much this marriage meant to him, he took his new bride to a real pay motel. When they arrived, his wife went into the bathroom to change, while he was getting ready himself. She came out of the bathroom dressed in her sexiest burlap and the boy grabbed her and tossed her on the bed.

“Be gentle with me,” - she said, - “I'm a virgin.”

The boy immediately flew into a rage, got dressed, grabbed the girl and threw her into the back of his pickup truck. He screeched to a stop in front of her parents' house, threw her out, and burned rubber out of there. He drove to his Dad's house and told him the whole story, with eyes filled with tears. His Dad comforted him and said:

“You did the right thing, son, don't feel bad. A VIRGIN??!! Well, if she wasn't good enough for HER family, she sure isn't good enough for OURS!!!”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations RECURRENCE

An 85-year-old man married a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new husband was so old, the woman decided that on their wedding night they should have separate suites. She was concerned that the old fellow would overexert himself. After the festivities she prepared herself for bed and for the knock on the door she expected. Sure enough the knock came and there was her groom ready for action. They united in conjugal union and all went well whereupon he took his leave of her and she prepared to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there was a knock on the door and there was old guy again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she consented to further coupling, which was again successful, after which the octogenarian bid her a fond good night and left.

She was certainly ready for slumber at this point and was close to sleep for the second time when there was another knock at the door and there he was again fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for more. Once again they did the horizontal boogie. As they were lying in afterglow the young bride said to him:

“I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I’ve been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one.”

The old guy looked puzzled, turned to her and said: “Was I already here?”

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Category: Parenting NOT ENLIGHTENED

The conservative parents did not enlighten their daughter about the facts of life. They presumed that nature would have its way and when her time came, she would just instinctively follow her husband’s lead. The day after the daughter’s wedding, in the early morning hours, the doorbell rang long and hysterically at the family’s home. When the mother opened the door, there stood her puffy eyed and distraught daughter.

“What happened, dearest?” – asked the worried mother.

“I left that no-good jerk. You can't imagine what a disgusting thing he wanted to do to me!”

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Category: Tax Matters DRESS CODE

A Jew came to see the rabbi:

“Rabbi! There's something is wrong with my tax returns and I have been summoned to the IRS offices. Can you tell me what shall I wear? My best suit, or rather something shabby?”

“My son, questions as regards the dress code belong to my wife's department. Let's go and ask her.”

“This is a very good question,” – said the rabbi's wife. “The other day Rebecca asked me if on her wedding night she should wear a nightgown, pajamas, or maybe should await her husband naked. I told her that it doesn't matter. She will be screwed anyway.”

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