Category: Boys and Girls

FOUR LETTER WORDS

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked:

“How was the honeymoon?”

“Oh, Mama,” - she replied, - “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic...”

Suddenly she burst out crying:

“But mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language I’d ever heard before. I mean, all these awful four letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!”

“Sarah, Sarah,” - her mother said - “calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What four letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” - wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! Come and get me please!”

“Darling baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride said:

“Oh mama, words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!”

Custom Search

Category: Women's Lib

CONSCIENTIUOUS OBJECTORS

Two women shared an apartment for many years. Both were conscientious objectors to sexual intercourse and avoided contact with men as much as possible. Even their cat was kept safely locked in the apartment, lest it meet tomcats. Then through her work, one of the women got acquainted with a man, fell in love and married him.
Her friend’s marriage came as a shock to the other woman, but she put on a brave face and asked her mate to write from her honeymoon. A few days passed and no mail arrived. Then, after a week, a postcard came with just a few words scribbled on it hurriedly:
“Let the cat out!”

Custom Search

Category: Naughty Jokes

LENT

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied:

“Because it's Lent.”

“Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard” – she exclaimed, close to tears. “To whom and for how long?!”

Custom Search

Category: Naughty Jokes

SHOP TALK

An actress and an actor got married and spent their honeymoon at a fashionable summer resort. Upon their return the new husband treated his friends to a round of drinks and reported of their holiday:

“We arrived in the early afternoon and immediately, without even bothering to unpack, held two performances. Then we washed up, went to dinner, came back to our room and had two more performances. Later at night we went down to the bar, had a few whiskies on the rocks and before falling asleep, had another performance, followed immediately by a dress-rehearsal.”

One of his companions - clearly someone not familiar with the theatrical lingo - interjected:

“What is the difference between a performance and a dress-rehearsal?”

“A dress-rehearsal is the same as a performance, only nobody comes.”

Custom Search

Category: Ecumenical Stories

NEWLYWEDS

A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering and some chitchat the priest said:

“Have you noticed that there are no women in this bar?”

Then he realized the truth:

“I think we're in a gay bar.”

Just then, a man approached them and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear. The man nodded and walked off. The relieved priest said:

“Thanks. What did you tell him?”

The minister replied:

“I just told him we're on our honeymoon.”

Custom Search

Category: The Absent-Minded Professor TRE UMBRELLA

The absent-minded professor checked out of his hotel. A few hours later when it started raining, he noticed that he had left his umbrella in his hotel room. He went back to the hotel, but the reception-clerk told him that a young couple on their honeymoon occupied the room.

“They checked in not long ago, so I suggest you go up there, knock on their door and ask them if they have found an umbrella.”

The professor took the elevator upstairs. When he reached his old room and was about to knock on the door, he heard voices from the inside:

“Who do these soft hands belong to?” - said a man’s voice.

“To you, my darling,” - answered a female voice.

“Whom do these sweet lips belong to?”

“To you, sweetheart.”

“Whom do these beautiful breasts belong to?”

“To you, honey.”

Here the professor’s patience ran out and he shouted through the keyhole:

“Excuse me, but when you get to the umbrella, please remember, it belongs to me!”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

Custom Search

Category: Pranks MARY AND FRED

Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they went back to mum and dad for the night. In the morning, little Johnny got up and had his breakfast. As he was going out of the door to go to school, he asked his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replied:

"No".

Johnny asked:

"Do you know what I think?"

His mum replied:

"Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny came home for lunch and asked his mum:

"Is Fred and Mary up yet?" She replied:

"No".

Johnny said:

"Do you know what I think?" His mum replied:

"Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, he came home and asked:

"Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mum said:

"No."

Johnny asked:

"Do you know what I think?"

His mum replied:

"OK! What do you think?"

He said:

"Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

Custom Search

Category: Naughty Jokes LENT

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied:

“Because it's Lent.”

“Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard” – she exclaimed, close to tears. “To whom and for how long?!”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

Custom Search

Category: Ecumenical Stories NEWLYWEDS

A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering and some chitchat the priest said:

“Have you noticed that there are no women in this bar?”

Then he realized the truth:

“I think we're in a gay bar.”

Just then, a man approached them and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear. The man nodded and walked off. The relieved priest said:

“Thanks. What did you tell him?”

The minister replied:

“I just told him we're on our honeymoon.”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

Custom Search

Category: Old Age Humiliations FOR OLD TIMES’ SAKE On their 30-year anniversary, the Smiths decided to reenact their honeymoon. They went to the same hotel, got the same suite and as dinnertime came around, Mrs. Smith said: “Darling, do you remember, 30 years ago we didn’t go down for dinner, but had it here in our room?” Obediently, Mr. Smith went to the phone and asked Room Service to bring dinner to their room. But Mrs. Smith strove for even more authenticity: “You remember honey, that on our first honeymoon, we ate our dinner stark naked?” So, after the old waiter (the same they had 30 years ago!) wheeled in the laden trolley, set the table, lighted the candles and left their suite, both Smiths undressed and sat down to have their festive dinner. Mrs. Smith gushed with happiness and beamed at her husband: “Isn’t everything the same as it was then? It seems that nothing has changed. I even feel the same warmth in my heart.” Mr. Smith, poor soul, was less romantically inclined and answered: “That warmth comes from your tits which hang into the soup, my dear.”

Custom Search

Category: Naughty Jokes SHOP TALK An actress and an actor got married and spent their honeymoon at a fashionable summer resort. Upon their return the new husband treated his friends to a round of drinks and reported of their holiday: “We arrived in the early afternoon and immediately, without even bothering to unpack, held two performances. Then we washed up, went to dinner, came back to our room and had two more performances. Later at night we went down to the bar, had a few whiskies on the rocks and before falling asleep, had another performance, followed immediately by a dress-rehearsal.” One of his companions - clearly someone not familiar with the theatrical lingo - interjected: “What is the difference between a performance and a dress-rehearsal?” “A dress-rehearsal is the same as a performance, only nobody comes.”

If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

Custom Search