Category: From the Mouths of Babes

TATTLER

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said:

“Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door. They undressed and got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and ....”

The mother held up her hand and said:

“Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me.”

The father came home and the wife told him that she's leaving him.

“But why?” - croaked the husband.

“Go ahead, Johnny. Tell Daddy what you've just told me.”

“Well,” - said little Johnny, - “I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob – remember?”

   

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE

On their 30-year anniversary, the Smiths decided to reenact their honeymoon. They went to the same hotel, got the same suite and as dinnertime came around, Mrs. Smith said:
“Darling, do you remember, 30 years ago we didn’t go down for dinner, but had it here in our room?”
Obediently, Mr. Smith went to the phone and asked Room Service to bring dinner to their room. But Mrs. Smith strove for even more authenticity:
“You remember honey, that on our first honeymoon, we ate our dinner stark naked?”
So, after the old waiter (the same they had 30 years ago!) wheeled in the laden trolley, set the table, lighted the candles and left their suite, both Smiths undressed and sat down to have their festive dinner. Mrs. Smith gushed with happiness and beamed at her husband:
“Isn’t everything the same as it was then? It seems that nothing has changed. I even feel the same warmth in my heart.”
Mr. Smith, poor soul, was less romantically inclined and answered:
“That warmth comes from your tits which hang into the soup, my dear.”

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Category: Business is Busineess IRISH BINGO

A young girl from Donegal left home to find work in the bright lights of London. She came home six months later and stepped out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat.

"Begorrah, Colleen," - said her mother. "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?"

Colleen replied:

"Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London?"

When the weekend was over, Colleen returned to the bright lights, but she was back to visit her mom a few months later. This time, when she stepped out of the taxi, she was wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring.

Same exchange with Mom............same "Won it at bingo!"

Then Colleen returned to the bright lights again. A few months later, she was back again. And this time she was sporting a beautiful emerald diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She handed her mother 1,000 pounds and explained that she won it all in bingo. Then she asked Mom to run her a bath, as she needed to freshen up.

Her Mom drew the bath while Colleen got undressed in her bedroom, but when she got to the washroom, there was only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub. Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her Mom being so cheap with the hot water after being handed 1,000 pounds, called downstairs:

"Mom! Sure now didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!"

"Indade there is, me darlin" - replied her Mom - "but we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card wet now, do we?"

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Category: Old Age Humiliations FOR OLD TIMES’ SAKE On their 30-year anniversary, the Smiths decided to reenact their honeymoon. They went to the same hotel, got the same suite and as dinnertime came around, Mrs. Smith said: “Darling, do you remember, 30 years ago we didn’t go down for dinner, but had it here in our room?” Obediently, Mr. Smith went to the phone and asked Room Service to bring dinner to their room. But Mrs. Smith strove for even more authenticity: “You remember honey, that on our first honeymoon, we ate our dinner stark naked?” So, after the old waiter (the same they had 30 years ago!) wheeled in the laden trolley, set the table, lighted the candles and left their suite, both Smiths undressed and sat down to have their festive dinner. Mrs. Smith gushed with happiness and beamed at her husband: “Isn’t everything the same as it was then? It seems that nothing has changed. I even feel the same warmth in my heart.” Mr. Smith, poor soul, was less romantically inclined and answered: “That warmth comes from your tits which hang into the soup, my dear.”

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