Category: Indians

THE GIRL AND THE INDIAN

The shapely city girl was driving in the desert when the car ran out of fuel. Luckily an Indian just rode by and he offered to give her a ride on his mount to the nearest gas station. Every few minutes the Indian let out a tremendous hoo. When they reached their destination, the girl dismounted and the Indian, after letting out another tremendous yoo-hoo, rode away.

“My God!” - said the gas station attendant. “What did you do to that Indian that he shouted so mightily?”

“Nothing that I know of,” - answered the girl. “With one hand I embraced his waist and with the other held on to his saddle’s horn.”

“My dear lady, Indians don’t use saddles.”

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Category: In the Middle East

A WORTHWHILE EFFORT

A religious man came to the police station and lodged a complaint against a girl, living across the street, who undresses every night before the open window, thus disturbing him in his meditations. The man was promised that an investigator would be sent out to visit the scene of the “crime.” One evening, a policeman arrived and asked the complainer to show him the offending window. The man pointed at a certain window in a distant building.

“Excuse me, Sir,” - wondered the officer, - “but one can hardly see that window and even if it could be seen, it would be difficult to distinguish details.”

“Of course,” - replied the man. “If you want to see what is happening in that window, you have to push the table to the furthermost left corner of the bedroom window and use the binoculars I keep in the drawer.”

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Category: In the Middle East

ONE-TRACK MIND

Most Israeli children never see snow. The elementary school teacher, wanting somehow to demonstrate this natural phenomenon, prepared a bag with small, white paper pellets and while explaining to her class the differences between the European and Israeli winter, threw them into the air.

“Children, what does this remind you of?” - she asked.

A girl raised her finger.

“Yes, Miriam!” - said the teacher.

“It reminds me of the day, when a pillow-case was torn and the feathers flew all over our house.”

“Very good, but I thought of something slightly different.”

Another girl said that the falling pellets reminded her of falling snow, as she saw in a film.

“Excellent, Tamar!” - commented the teacher and wanted to continue with the lesson, when she noticed yet another raised finger.

“Yes, Moishe’le. What does this remind you of?”

“Of sex,” - said the child.

“Sex?” - wondered the teacher. “How does that come into it?”

“Everything reminds me of sex!”

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Category: In the Middle East

PUSHY TYPES

After a night of partying, the kibbutz-girl had to get up at 4.30 for the early-morning milking. She was a bit tired and after finishing with two cows, she nodded off. She woke up suddenly and on perceiving the udder hanging before her, exclaimed:

“Boys, boys, one at the time, if you don’t mind!”

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Category: In the Middle East

MUSICAL GIRL

The young Israeli salesman was posted to the Italian branch of his company. On arrival in Rome, he met a fellow countryman who tried to coach him in the ways of the capital:

“Remember one thing,” - he said, - “everything here is negotiable. There are no fixed prices and after a little bargaining, you end up paying much less than the original price. The above holds true even with presents you buy your girlfriend. Never give her everything she asks for.”

After a few weeks the two bumped into one another again.

“How did you manage?” - asked the more experienced Israeli.

“Just fine. Your advice was sound and I even found myself a girlfriend.”

“And what did you buy her for the Holidays?”

“I bought her a radio-transistor,” - said the novice.

“What on earth gave you the idea to buy her a radio?” - wondered the other.

“At night, when she bought me to her place, she kept whispering: ‘Piano, Piano!’ but I couldn’t very well buy her a piano, could I?”

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Category: Ghost Stories

QUICK CURE

A man was returning home late at night. As always he had to cross a cemetery and as always he was terrified. Suddenly, a few steps in front of him he saw another man walking. With a few rapid strides he caught up with him and said:

“What a relief to meet another guy! I was scared stiff to walk alone through the cemetery.”

“I used to be afraid too when I was alive.”

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Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies

THREE GIFTS

Walking along the beach, John tripped over a half-buried kerosene lantern. He rubbed its side and sure enough, a genie materialized.

“I can't grant your wishes,” - explained the freed spirit, - “but I'll give you three gifts for releasing me: A potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond and a dinner date with a famous movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all these gifts.”

When John returned home from work the next evening, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered.

“Yes,” - she replied. “It's been an unusual day. At 2 PM a 55-gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a half-hour later, a telegram came saying that a long-lost relative had left you a minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago MGM called, inviting you to dinner with Lassie tonight.”

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