Category: Marital Bliss

FISHING

Four married guys went fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in our house next weekend." Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realize that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him: "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear sun-block."

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss

SEX IN THE DARK

Every time they made love, the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights...
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device.
A v*i*b*r*a*t*o*r!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent b*a*s*t*a*r*d," - she screamed at him, - "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly:
"I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids".

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss

OR WHAT

A man told his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician told the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. When the wife came to the doctor’s office, he asked her why she doesn't want to have sex with her husband any more.

"For the last 7 months," – the wife replied, – "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work. I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.'
On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money, so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex anymore."
The doctor thought for a second. "So," – he said, – "are we going to tell your husband or what?"

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss

MARATHON

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" - she replied. “He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scooted out of bed, grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" - one asked.
"Oh yes!" - he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved alongside.
"Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
“Oh, yes" - our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried:
"Do you always wear a condom when you run? "

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss

ANATOMY CLASS

A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman:
"Do you know what your asshole does when you're having an orgasm?
"Sure" - she said. "He's at home, taking care of the kids."

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss

HE SAID - SHE SAID

Priest said: “I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.”
She said: “Who's gonna look?”


He said: “Let's go out and have some fun tonight.”
She said: “Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.”


He said: “Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?”
She said: “I would, but you said not to call you at work.”


He said: “I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.”
She said: “You wear pants don't you?”


He said: “.Shall we try swapping positions tonight?”
She said: “That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.”

Custom Search

Category: Married Bliss

A BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a bottle of wine.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What's in the bag?" - asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said:
"It's a bottle of wine I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
"Good trade."

Custom Search