Category: Doctors and Patients

PRACTICING HIS ART

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man turned and snarled:

"Just what the hell are you doing?"

"Well," - said the guy, - "you see, I'm a Chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art."

"'That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!' - the guy replied. "I work for Revenue Canada. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

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Category: Women's Lib

KNOWS HER MIND

A good-looking middle-aged woman entered a lingerie shop.

“I would like to buy some underwear.”

“Did you have anything specific in mind?”

“Specifically I have screwing on my mind, but just now I would like to buy some undies.”

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Category: Political

POLITICS

A little boy went to his dad and asked him, what is Politics. Dad said:

“Well, son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her Government. We're both here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny...we'll consider her the Working Class and your baby brother, I’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that, see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy went off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he heard his baby brother crying, so he got up to check on him. He found that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he went to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeked in the keyhole and saw his father in bed with the nanny. He gave up and went back to bed. The next morning, the little boy said to his father:

“Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father said:

“Good, son. Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

“Well,” – replied the little boy – “while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

ABNORMAL FAMILY

Like every developing boy, Moishe’le was curious about the facts of life and kept pestering his parents with questions. One day he asked his father:

“Daddy, how did I come into the world?”

Like most parents, the father thought, that his son is too young to learn the real facts of life, so he responded:

“The stork brought you, my son!”

“How could the stork get into the house?” - wondered the child.

“Through the chimney of course.”

“And how did you come into the world?” - asked the boy.

“I too was brought by a stork.”

“And how about grandpa?”

“He too was brought by a stork.”

Moishe’le seemed to be very unhappy with this state of affairs. He scratched his head and uttered half loudly:

“There is definitely something wrong with this family. For three generations nobody was screwing!”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories MERE DILETTANTES

Dorothy went to the Franciscans for confession. One by one she acknowledged her offenses against the sixth Commandment: How many times she thought about the sinful deed, spoke about it and performed it with Tom. As penitence, the Franciscan priest meted her out five ‘Hail Mary’s. Said Dorothy wonderingly:

“So little? Three weeks ago, confessing to the very same sins at the Capuchiners’ church, I got a much higher penitence.”

“Capuchiners, Capuchiners,” – grumbled the good Father, – “what do they know about screwing.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations HONEST JOHN

Police Officer O'Leary was cruising around in his patrol car one night. He was on the lookout for trouble. He saw two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in "Honest John's" used car lot. The car lot was closed, so O'Leary drove up alongside the Chevy and asked:

"Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

"Certainly not," – said one of the ladies, – "we purchased the car this afternoon." "Well," – said the cop, – "why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"

"We don't drive," – replied the other little old lady, – "and besides we are waiting. We were told that if we bought a car here, we would get screwed."

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Category: Blondes ARRANGEMENT

A depressed young New York blonde was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her and said:

“Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.”

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added:

“I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, the captain discovered her.

“What are you doing here?” – asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” - she explained. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. And well, he's also screwing me.”

“He sure is, lady,” - said the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry!”

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Category: Women's Lib KNOWS HER MIND

A good-looking middle-aged woman entered a lingerie shop.

“I would like to buy some underwear.”

“Did you have anything specific in mind?”

“Specifically I had screwing on my mind, but just now I would like to buy some undies.”

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Category: Political Stories POLITICS

A little boy went to his dad and asked him, what is Politics. Dad said:

“Well, son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her Government. We're both here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny...we'll consider her the Working Class and your baby brother, I’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that, see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy went off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he heard his baby brother crying, so he got up to check on him. He found that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he went to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeked in the keyhole and saw his father in bed with the nanny. He gave up and went back to bed. The next morning, the little boy said to his father:

“Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father said:

“Good, son. Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

“Well,” – replied the little boy – “while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

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