A child to his mother:
“Mummy, can you buy me a tampon?”
“Why on the Earth do you need a tampon?” - wondered the mother.
“I read in the newspaper that you can do everything with a tampon, swim, play tennis and even ride a horse.”
Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
“I hope that I can be of assistance to you after your release,” - said the prison chaplain to the bank robber.
“Thank you,” - answered the hardened criminal, - “but I always work alone.”
A blind man came into the carpentry workshop. He felt the wood file with his fingers and exclaimed:
“Who wrote such a lot of nonsense?”
Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
A scientist invented the invention of the century: A machine for raising IQ’s. The treatment was simple enough. An electrode was attached to each of the patient’s temples; the machine was switched on and after 15 minutes, the subject’s IQ increased by about 20%. The news of the invention got around, as everyone wanted to become more intelligent and soon lines were forming outside the scientist’s lab.
Long hours and the tediousness of the process took their toll and one day, just as he was attaching the electrodes to a black man’s temples; the scientist was called away for an urgent phone-call. In his hurry, he attached the electrodes in reverse, so that instead of raising the IQ, they lowered it. Just as he finished his phone-conversation, he realized his mistake, hurried back to the treatment-room, removed the electrodes and anxiously inquired of his patient:
“How you are, Sir?”
“Dobrze” (good in Polish) - answered the black man.
Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
A young mother asked her mother to take her child to the beach and beseeched her to take good care of him. She need not have worried. The grandmother kept her charge almost within arm’s reach and did not let him out of sight. Suddenly a big wave came out of the sea and before anything could be done, the boy was swept away. The stricken grandmother fell to her knees and with tears in her eyes shouted towards the sky:
“Almighty God, how could you have done such a cruel deed to me? To me
Just as she finished speaking, another huge wave swept in and set the missing child at his grandmother’s feet.
“Thank you Dear Lord,” –- said the grateful woman, – “but what about the cap the boy had on his head?”
Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
At the
“Urgent. Required a mate for our female gorilla. Only candidates, who are single, strong and in perfect physical condition, need to apply. $300, twice weekly.”
Only one reply was received: The letter read:
“I am a 35 year old sailor, single and muscle-bound, ready to do the job as many times a week as necessary, but I have three conditions:
1. I don't want to have to kiss her.
2. I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union.
3. I can only afford to pay $150.”
Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER
In the old
“Tell me, Your Excellency, in your years in the Army, did you manage to remain a Jew?”
“I tried my best,” – answered the soldier.
The rabbi pressed on:
“Did you observe the holy Sabbath?”
“How could I? The enemy does not observe the Jewish holidays and when he attacks, we too must make our move, Sabbath, or not.”
“But did you eat kosher food?”
“Sometimes I was happy to get any food at all and besides, where would I have obtained kosher food?”
The rabbi was getting desperate:
“But did you at least say your prayers regularly?”
The general was ready with his reply:
“In your opinion, how would it look for an Imperial Army officer to be seen wearing a prayer shawl and phylacteries?”
The exasperated minister was at his wit’s end:
“But Your Excellency, pray tell me, what is it, that is still Jewish in you?”
“I am still afraid of dogs,” – answered the veteran soldier
Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
The English lord was showing his French acquaintance around his estate.
“This here is my golf course.”
“And how often do you play?”
“I tried it once, but found that it was boring.”
They went on.
“These are my stables.”
“Do you ride a lot?”
“Once I took one of my horses for a ride, but found that it was quite boring.”
They went on and encountered a young boy.
“This is my son.”
“I guess that it’s your only child.”
Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
