Category: Marital Bliss

A DIFFRENT TYPE OF ACCIDENT

An injured man was brought to the hospital emergency ward. The nurse entering his personal data into the computer asked:

“Are you married?”

“Yes, but it was a car that hit me.”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

BRANDED FOR LIFE

A couple celebrated their 10th anniversary. The husband had a request from his wife:

“You know, we have been married now for 10 years, but you never have satisfied me orally.”

“Stop right there!” – exclaimed the wife. “I would never do such a disgusting thing.”

15 years passed. At their silver anniversary the husband came up with his wish again and once more was firmly rebuffed.

25 years passed. At the couple’s golden anniversary, the husband, rather timidly, mentioned his request again. This time the wife thought about it and decided, that after all they had been married for 50 years and she could try it once. So she knelt down before her husband, opened his fly and took his member into her mouth. At that moment the phone rang. The husband answered it and then passed the receiver to his wife:

“It is you they want, you fellating slut!”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

OCCUPATIONAL FATIGUE

“Doctor, I’m tired all the time.”

“How many times do you have intercourse with your wife?”

“Three times, sometimes even four times.”

“Weekly?”

“No, daily.”

“Do you have a girl friend?”

“Of course, doctor.”

“And how many times do you make out with her?”

“Six-seven times.”

“Weekly?”

“No, daily.”

“Then sir, it is due to your exaggerated sexual life that you are exhausted.”

“Thank God, I was afraid that it was because of me masturbating”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

TYPE CASTING

The plane was just over the Rockies when the dramatic announcement came over the public address system:

“I regret to inform you, but we have lost control over the aircraft and are going to crash.”

Pandemonium broke out among the passengers. A young woman tore off her clothing and shrieked:

“Let some man make me feel that I’m a woman for the last time.”

At that a man tore off his shirt and threw it at the woman:

“Here, iron it!”

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Category: Loonies

SILLY QUESTION

An inmate of the hospital for the mentally ill sat at a table and wrote.

“What are you writing?” – asked a passing attendant.

“A letter.”

“To whom?”

“To myself.”

“And what is in the letter?”

“How am I to know if I haven’t received it yet.”

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Category: Lawyers

SALES PITCH

A lawyer’s wife died. At the cemetery, people were appalled to see that the tombstone read:

“Here lies Phyllis, wife of Will T. Murray, L.L.D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice.”

Suddenly, Murray burst into tears. A friend said:

“You should cry, pulling a stunt like this!”

Through his tears, Murray croaked:

“You don’t understand! They left out the phone number!”

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Category: Indians

THE GIRL AND THE INDIAN

The shapely city girl was driving in the desert when the car ran out of fuel. Luckily an Indian just rode by and he offered to give her a ride on his mount to the nearest gas station. Every few minutes the Indian let out a tremendous hoo. When they reached their destination, the girl dismounted and the Indian, after letting out another tremendous yoo-hoo, rode away.

“My God!” - said the gas station attendant. “What did you do to that Indian that he shouted so mightily?”

“Nothing that I know of,” - answered the girl. “With one hand I embraced his waist and with the other held on to his saddle’s horn.”

“My dear lady, Indians don’t use saddles.”

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