Category: Ethnic Stories ENGLISH SPOKEN HERE

The 80-year-old dame told her friends she is going to take an English conversation course at the Berlitz.

“Why would you start learning a foreign language at your age?” - wondered her companions.

“I heard they speak English in Heaven,” - replied the matron.

“And what if you get to Hell?” - queried her pals.

“I already know Polish,” - was the reply.

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Category: Ethnic Stories TOTAL RECECTION On a train, during their tour abroad, the Greens shared a compartment with an Englishman. Mrs. Green became hungry and her husband unpacked their lunch. Before they began eating, he politely offered some food to the Englishman: “A piece of baked chicken?” “No, thank you,” - shook the Englishman his head. “Then maybe some biscuits.” “No, thank you.” “And how about a glass of red wine?” Mrs. Green frowned in disapproval and whispered to her husband: “Eugene, you know how these English are. He probably refused, because you didn’t introduce me to him.” “My wife,” – indicated Mr. Green his wife. But the Englishman was adamant: “No, thank you.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories THE INFALLIBLE GENERAL You probably know this anecdote, but I just love to hear it and retell it, because - for me - it symbolizes a small victory against bigotry all over the world. So here you are:

The southern socialite was sending out invitations for a party that she was about to give, when she discovered that she was short of a few gentlemen. Struck by a sudden idea, she phoned the local Air Force base and asked its commander to reinforce her party with half-a-dozen young, presentable officers. As an afterthought, she added:

“And do me a favor, send no Jews, please!”

At the appointed hour, the doorbell rang and when the hostess opened the door, there on the porch stood six handsome, tall, black officers in their dress uniforms.

“But surely this must be a mistake,” - stammered the stricken mistress of the house.

“I do not think there is any mistake, Madam” - answered the senior officer. “General Cohen is never wrong.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories DISTINCT ADVANTAGE

Bob and Gideon, his black colleague, bought houses in the same upwardly mobile neighborhood. At the housewarming party, Bob toasted his neighbor:

“It seems that we made a good investment.”

“Sure, Bob, but if you must know, my house is worth $30,000 more than yours.”

“How can that be,” - wondered Bob, - “after all our houses are completely identical.”

“Yes, but I don’t have a black neighbor.”

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Category: 'English' Jokes QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

¬ Question:

“What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?”

Answer:

“Close the door! I'm dressing.”

¬ Question:

“What is faster: hot or cold?”

Answer:

“Hot, because you can catch a cold.”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories PLAYING IT SAFE Two cars collided at an intersection. When the dust settled, a shaken man stepped out of each wreck. One of them was a catholic priest, the other a rabbi. Miraculously none them were more than slightly scratched. Rejoiced the rabbi: “Brother, this was a divine act! We could have been dead now, but here we are safe and sound. This must be a sign from the Almighty that we should become friends.” “Indeed, this must be the will of God!” - agreed the priest. “And look, even this bottle of kosher wine is unbroken. That means we must finish it.” “Right,” - said the priest, took a few healthy slugs from the bottle and returned it to his colleague. But the rabbi just shook his head. “Aren’t you going to drink?” “Maybe it would be better if I waited until the police arrive.”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories FAMILY MATTER A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by the sight of a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed: “Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine,” - the nun said while patting his hand. “We do have to know, however, how do you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?” “No, I'm not,” - the man whispered hoarsely. “Can you pay in cash?” “I'm afraid I can't, Sister.” “Do you have any close relatives, then?” “Just my sister in New Mexico,” - replied the man, - “but she's a spinster nun.” “Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith,” - the nun replied. “They are married to God.” “Okay,” - the man said with a smile, - “then bill my brother-in-law.”

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