A European tourist visiting the
“Excuse me, do you make feces and urine analyses?”
“Yes Sir, of course we do.”
“Then please, scrub your hands and prepare a ham and lettuce sandwich for me.”
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Five surgeons were taking a coffee break. The first said:
“Accountants are the best to operate on, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second surgeon said:
“Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The third responded:
“Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded.”
The fourth interceded:
“I like mechanics... they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”
To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, said:
“You’re all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest. There are no guts, no heart, no spine and their head and arse are interchangeable.”
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Question:
What did the insurance salesperson say when he first met
Answer:
"I see that you are not covered"
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A man and a woman walked into a very posh
''Show the lady your finest mink!'' - the fellow exclaimed. So the owner of the shop went in back and came out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tried it on, the owner discreetly whispered to the man:
''Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.''
''No problem! I'll write you a check!''
''Very good, sir,'' - said the shop owner. ''Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared.''
So the man and the woman left. On Monday, the fellow returned. The storeowner was outraged:
''How dare you show your face in here?! There was not a single penny in your checking account!!''
''I just had to come by'' – grinned the guy, – ''to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!''
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A guy walked into a bar and sat down next to a good-looking woman. After a while he started to look at his watch. The woman noticed and asked him if his date was late.
“No,” – he replied. “I’ve just got this new state-of-the-art watch and was about to test it.”
“What does it do?”
“It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me.”
“What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing a bra, or panties.”
“Ha! Well, it must be broken, because I am!”
“Darn thing must be an hour fast.”
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A ventriloquist was doing the round of comedy clubs in
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected in our community and from reaching our full potential as people! Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologize. The blonde interrupted him, yelling:
"You stay out of this, asshole! I'm talking to that little shithead on your knee!"
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A blonde walked into a pharmacy and asked the assistant for some rectal deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explained to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assured the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
“I'm sorry”, – said the pharmacist, – “we don't have any.”
“But I always get it here,” – said the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” – said the blonde, – “I'll go home and get it.”
She returned with the container. The pharmacist looked at it and said to her:
“This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
Annoyed, the blonde snatched the container back and read out loud from the container:
“TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.”
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