Category: In the Middle East

MADE HIS POINT

At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding the conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Representative. The Israeli began:

“Ladies and gentlemen, before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you... When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies and even more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. As Moses wished to cleanse himself, he went over to the other side of the pond, took of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Only when he came out of the water, has he discovered that all his clothes have been stolen... I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians were those who stole them.”

Hearing this accusation, Yasser Arafat jumped out of his seat and screamed:

“This is a lie. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!”

“And with that in mind” – said the Israeli Representative, – “let me begin my speech...”

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Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies

JEWISH GENIE

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst. He was crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand and discovered that it was a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie. But this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic rabbi, complete with black capote coat, black hat, side curls, etc. 

“Well, kid,” - said the genie. “You know how it works. You have three wishes.”

“I’m not going to trust you,” said the Arab. “I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!”

“What do you have to lose? It looks like you’re a goner anyway!”

The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that the genie was right.

 “OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink.”

*POOF* The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

“OK, kid, what’s your second wish?”

“My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.”

*POOF* The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. 

“OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!”

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab said:

“I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women.”

*POOF* The Arab was turned into a Tampax.

The moral of the story is: 

If you do business with a Jewish genie, there’s going to be a string attached.

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Category: Gay Liberation Front

IDENTITY CRISIS

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked:

"Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied:

"Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said:

"I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked:

"Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied:

"I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

LOGICAL

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

 "Yes," - said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked:

"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

CHANNELHOPPER

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said:

"Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied:

"NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

HOPELESS

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face:

"Why do you do that, mommy?" - he asked. 

"To make myself beautiful," - said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

 "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

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Category: For Your Kids

POLITE GUYS

“Hello, is this 2566-342?”

“No, it is 2565-342.”

“Sorry, wrong number.”

‘Never mind, the phone was ringing anyway.”

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