Category: Old Age Humiliations 

THE RABBI'S ADVICE

An older Jewish gentleman married a younger lady and they were very much in love. However, no matter what the husband did sexually, the woman never achieved orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decided to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listened to their story, stroked his beard and made the following suggestion:
"Hire a good looking, strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife to fantasize and should bring the desired pleasure."
They went home and followed the rabbi's advice. They hired a handsome young man and he waved a towel over them as they made love. It didn't help and she remained unsatisfied. Perplexed, they went back to the rabbi.
"Okay", – said the rabbi to the husband, – "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they followed the rabbi's advice. The young man got into bed with the wife and the husband waved the towel. The young man got to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon had an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiled, looked at the young man and said to him triumphantly:
"You see, schmuck, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

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Category: Old Age Simulations 

BROTHEL VISIT

An elderly man went into a brothel and told the madam that he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looked at the man and asked how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," - he said
"Ninety!" - commented the madam. "Don't you realize you've had it?" 
"Oh, sorry," - said the old man, - "how much do I owe you?"

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Category: Old Age Humiliations 

CURE ALL

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
     When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
     "Miss Bea," - he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" - pointing to the bowl.
     "Oh, yes," - she replied, - "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"

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Category: Old Age Humiliations 

HONEST JOHN

Police Officer O'Leary was cruising around in his patrol car one night. He was on the lookout for trouble. He saw two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in "Honest John's" used car lot. The car lot was closed, so O'Leary drove up alongside the Chevy and asked:

"Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

"Certainly not," – said one of the ladies, – "we purchased the car this afternoon."
     "Well," – said the cop, – "why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"

"We don't drive," – replied the other little old lady, – "and besides we are waiting. We were told that if we bought a car here, we would get screwed."

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Category: Old Age Humiliations 

YARD SALE

One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a Nursing Home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip I passed the same Nursing Home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager.
"Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"
"Yes," - he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale.

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Category: Old Age Humiliations 

JEWISH SONGS

Mrs. Cohen, aged 84, and Mrs. Murphy, aged 85, were lifelong friends, but because each was also a bit old-fashioned, each chose to go to a retirement home of her own respective religion. It was not long, however, before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said:
“Don't be holding back Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it here?”
Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the caretakers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, Mrs. Cohen said:
“But the best thing of all is...now I have a boyfriend!”
Mrs. Murphy said:
“Saints be praised, now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all about it!”
Mrs. Cohen said:
“Well...after lunch we go up to my room and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top and then on the bottom and then we sing Jewish songs. Oy, it's wonderful!”
Mrs. Murphy said:
“For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad for you, Mrs. Cohen!”
Mrs. Cohen said:
“And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy? You must tell me!”
Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility and that she also had a boyfriend.
Mrs. Cohen said:
“Good for you! So what do you do, you and the new boyfriend?”
Mrs. Murphy smiled and said:
“We go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on top and then I let him touch me down below...”
Mrs. Cohen said:
“Yes, and then....?”
Mrs. Murphy said:
“Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs, we fuck!”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

WOMAN AND BABY

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman:
“Is he breast fed or on the bottle?”
“Breast fed” – she replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” – the doctor ordered.
She did. While the woman sat silently he pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a long while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said:
“No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk.”
“Naturally,” – she said. “I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.”

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