Category: At Work

MATHEMATICAL HELP

The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said:

"You graduated from the University of Kentucky, I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment and then replied:

"Everything but my earrings."

And that's exactly why he hired her!

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Category: At Work

LACK OF INCENTIVE

At the office New Year party, the director’s wife, with an ironic smile, said to the attractive secretary:

“How nice for you dearie, that you married at last. Since then my husband hardly ever does overtime.”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

MANPOWER PROBLEM

A young executive was looking for a secretary. About 20 girls answered the ad, but after a thorough screening process, only three applicants were left. The executive found it difficult to choose, as all three were equally proficient at their jobs. In the end he decided to test them. He gave each of the prospective secretaries $500 and told them they had complete freedom in deciding how to spend the money.

After a week he called the three and asked them what they did with the $500.

The first said that she went on a shopping spree and blew it all in one day.

The second put the sum in a savings account.        

The third invested the money in shares and made a profit of $200 in one week.

Question: “Which of the applicants got the job?”

Answer: “The one with the big tits.”

   

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Category: Marital Bliss

CONNUBIAL STILL LIFE

A businessman and his secretary arrived in London for a convention. As it happens, their reservation was somehow misplaced and they were offered to share the only available room. Take it, or leave it. They took it.

At night when the doctor was already half asleep, he heard his secretary’s voice:

“It is quite chilly, isn’t it? Could you please close the window for me?”

“How would you like to pretend tonight that you are my wife?” - asked the weary doctor.

“Nothing would please me more,” - answered the secretary enthusiastically.

“Fine, then get up and shut the bloody window yourself.”

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Category: Accountants

SIMPLE ACCOUNTING

One Friday evening, an accountant left a letter for his wife. It read:

"To My Dear Wife (that's what he called her), you will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my beautiful and sexy 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight". When the man came home, he found the following letter:

"My Dear Husband (that's what she called him), I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my handsome and virile tennis coach, who like your secretary is 18 years old. Being a successful accountant, with an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow".

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Category: Marital Bliss CONNUBIAL STILL LIFE

A businessman and his secretary arrived in London for a convention. As it happens, their reservation was somehow misplaced and they were offered to share the only available room. Take it, or leave it. They took it.

At night when the doctor was already half asleep, he heard his secretary’s voice:

“It is quite chilly, isn’t it? Could you please close the window for me?”

“How would you like to pretend tonight that you are my wife?” - asked the weary doctor.

“Nothing would please me more,” - answered the secretary enthusiastically.

“Fine, then get up and shut the bloody window yourself.”

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Category: At Work COMMUNICATION BARRIER A visitor at the office heard the boss bellowing in the next room. “Why is he shouting?” – he asked the secretary. “He is talking to London.” “Then why doesn’t he use the phone?”

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Category: 'English' Jokes These wry jokes, which derive their humor from unexpected twists in the story line, are known for some reason as 'English' jokes ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? During the workweek at lunchtime, a secretary used to frequent the same restaurant, located conveniently near her office. She soon noticed another permanent guest of the establishment, wearing a nice carrot in his left ear. Being an Englishwoman who does not meddle in other people’s affairs, she did not comment on the unusual ear-wear and after finishing her meal went quietly on her way. Then one day, the man came in with a fresh green cucumber in his ear. This time the girl’s curiosity overcame her usual reticence and she turned to the man: “Excuse me for my impertinence, but I could not help noticing that you have a cucumber in your ear.” “I am really sorry,” – replied the man, – “but I just could not get a carrot at the greengrocer’s today.”

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