Category: Those Professionals SCIENTIFIC CONCLUSION

An economist, physicist and a mathematician traveled together abroad. Their train was just crossing the Swiss border, when they saw a black sheep in a field. The economist remarked:

“It seems that sheep in Switzerland are black!”

The physicist corrected him:

“This is a mistaken conclusion. We can merely state that there is at least one black sheep in Switzerland.”

Retorted the mathematician:

“Even that is not certain. We can only state that at least one sheep in Switzerland is black on one of its sides.”

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Category: The Establishment THE CARD

A Department of Water representative stopped at an outer Brisbane farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer:

“I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation.”

The old farmer said:

“OK, but don't go in that field over there.”

The water representative said:

“Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? THIS CARD MEANS I AM ALLOWED TO GO WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”

The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the water rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the water rep with every step.

The rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out...........

“Your card! Your card! Show him your card!”

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Category: The Absent-Minded Professor TRE UMBRELLA

The absent-minded professor checked out of his hotel. A few hours later when it started raining, he noticed that he had left his umbrella in his hotel room. He went back to the hotel, but the reception-clerk told him that a young couple on their honeymoon occupied the room.

“They checked in not long ago, so I suggest you go up there, knock on their door and ask them if they have found an umbrella.”

The professor took the elevator upstairs. When he reached his old room and was about to knock on the door, he heard voices from the inside:

“Who do these soft hands belong to?” - said a man’s voice.

“To you, my darling,” - answered a female voice.

“Whom do these sweet lips belong to?”

“To you, sweetheart.”

“Whom do these beautiful breasts belong to?”

“To you, honey.”

Here the professor’s patience ran out and he shouted through the keyhole:

“Excuse me, but when you get to the umbrella, please remember, it belongs to me!”

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Category: Computers CONSPICOUS LANDMARK

Lest I be accused of being biased towards the giant corporation mentioned in the following story, I heard it from a high-ranking officer of that same corporation at a public presentation introducing its new line of products:

A passenger airplane found itself in a heavy storm. Strong winds buffeted the plane, a tremendous bolt of lightning knocked out the electrical system, the instrument panel became dark and the pilot lost his bearings completely. The frightened passengers were convinced that these were their last minutes. The pilot descended below the clouds and tried to find a landmark to orient himself. Suddenly a tall building appeared with a man on its roof. The pilot opened the cockpit-window and picking up a megaphone, shouted:

“Excuse me Sir, where am I?”

“You are in an airplane,” - came the ready answer.

The pilot executed an 80° turn and landed the airplane at Seattle airport. The grateful passengers hugged the captain and thanked him for saving their lives. They just wanted to know how he had managed to perform this remarkable feat.

“It is really very simple,” - said the pilot. “As soon as I heard the man giving me some completely useless information, I realized we were at the ‘Microsoft’ building in Seattle. I knew the airport lies 80° off that building, so I circled around and landed.”

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Category: Tax Matters A TAXING QUESTION

A woman walked into the local IRS office and declared loudly:

“I came in to settle our coitus tax.”

The receptionist was a quite embarrassed, but said:

“I am sorry Madam, but we have no intercourse taxes that I know of.”

“So why did my husband tell me this morning to go and pay the fucking taxes?”

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Category: Straight From The Hip DON'T MIND ME

At an impromptu domestic concert the housewife played the piano. After performing several pieces, she went over to one of the guests:

“I heard that you like music.”

“Yes, I do, but go on playing anyway.”

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Category: Sporting World IT'S GREAT TO BE IN SPORTS

Two men were chatting in the pub.

“Why is your face so gloomy?” - asked one.

“I am fed up with my job” - answered his companion.

“What is it that you do for a living?”

“I am responsible for the washrooms at the Sports Hall.”

“Is the salary so bad?”

“It is not the money, it is the people. Every evening I clean the damn place, until it is spick-and-span, put in clean towels, fresh toilet paper and every morning it looks like a pigsty. No consideration at all!”

“And how long have you been doing this job?”

“30 years.”

“Then why don’t you just quit it?”

“What! And abandon the glamour of the sports-world?”

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