Category: Afterlife

FORD AND GOD

Henry Ford died and went to heaven. At the gates, an angel told Ford:

“Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention – the assembly line – changed the world. As a reward, you can hangout with anyone you want to in Heaven.”

Ford thought about it and said:

“I want to hang out with God Himself.”

The be-feathered fellow at the Gates took Ford to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. Ford then asked God:

“Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?”

God said:  “Ah, yes.”

“Well,” – said Ford, – “you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front-end protrusion

2. It chatters at high speeds

3. Maintenance is very costly

4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing

5. It is out of commission 5 or 6 of every 28 days

6. The rear end wobbles too much, and

7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.”

“Hmmm,” – replied God, – “hold on.”

God went to the Celestial Supercomputer, typed in a few keystrokes and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper.

“It may be that my invention is flawed,” – God replied to Henry Ford, – “but according to statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours!”

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Category: Women's Lib

BRIEF ONES

¬ Question:

“Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?”

Answer:

“Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.”

¬ Question

“Why do men like big tits and a tight pussy?”

Answer:

“Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.”

¬ Question:

“How can you tell if your husband is dead?”

Answer:

“The sex is the same but you get the remote.”

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Category: Women's Lib

PERVERSION

A psychiatrist administered a Rorschach test to his patient. First he showed her an inkblot within a circle.

“Tell me please, my dear lady, what is your interpretation of this drawing?”

“It’s a couple making love in a circular room.”

Next he showed her an inkblot within a rectangle.

“What do you see now?”

“It’s a couple making love in a rectangular room.”

Finally he showed her an inkblot within a triangle.

“And now?”

The women looked suspiciously at the doctor and then burst out:

“What sort of a pervert pig are you anyway?”

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Category: Women's Lib

LIFE GOES ON

During the last census, a census-taker arrived at a Bronx apartment and started entering the relevant data on the forms.

“What is your occupation?” - he asked the lady of the household.

“I am a housewife.”

“And what does your husband do for a living?”

“My husband died 17 years ago,” - answered the woman.

The man looked at the half-a-dozen small kids raising hell in the various parts of the apartment.

“And to whom these children belong to?”

“They are mine,” - came the prompt answer.

“How is that possible?”

“It is my husband who passed away, not me!”

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Category: Viagra

STRONG MEDICINE

A lady went to the doctor and complained that her husband was losing interest in sex. The doctor gave her a pill, warned her it is still experimental and told her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. About a week later she was back at the doctor and reported joyously:

“Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes and he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes on the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!”

The doctor said:

“I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

“Naah... “, – she said, – “that's okay. We aren't going back to that restaurant anyway.”

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Category: Computers

GREAT WRITER

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer. When asked to define “great”, he said:

“I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

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Category: Tax Matters

EMPLOYER/EMPLOYEE RELATIONSHIP

A businessman entered the IRS offices and asked:

“Could you please give me two weeks of leave? I want to take my family for a holiday.”

“You must be out of your mind,” – said the clerk. “Why are you asking us for leave?”

“Where else would I go? Aren’t you the ones I work for?”

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