Category: Marital Bliss

SEX IN THE DARK

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights...

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device.

A v*i*b*r*a*t*o*r!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

"You impotent b*a*s*t*a*r*d," - she screamed at him, - "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly:  

"I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids".

   

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Category: Male Chauvinists

BRIEF ONES

¬ Question:

“What do you say to a woman with two shiners?”

Answer:

“Nothing. You already told it to her twice.”

¬ Question:

“What is the basic difference between man and woman?”

Answer:

“The man was brought down from the tree by evolution, whereas the woman by gravity.”

¬ Question:

“What is the advantage of being pregnant?”

Answer:

“The swinging door does not hit you on the nose.”

   

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Category: Male Chauvinists 

SEX SURVEY

5,000 Jewish men were asked to complete a survey on what they liked best about 'Oral Sex':

3% liked the warmth

4% enjoyed the sensation

93% appreciated the silence.

   

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Category: Male Chauvinists

IT'S ALL RIGHT HONEY

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside and said:

“It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid.”

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said:

“When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here.”

   

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Category: Male Chauvinists

WHO'LL TELL?

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the army.

“But wait a minute,” – said the listener, – “she'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?”

“Sure,” – replied the man.

“Well, won't they find out?”

The man shrugged:

“Of course they'll, but who'll tell?”

   

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Category: Male Chauvinists

PERFECT MATCH

Susan was in her late thirties and still not married. She had a hard time meeting men and the men she did meet all ended up being jerks. Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper. She wrote:

“Looking for a man who won't beat me, won't leave me and is excellent in bed.”

Several days went by and she hadn't gotten a single call. Then one day, as she was doing her laundry, she heard a knock on the door. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

“May I help you?” - she asked.

“I am the man of your dreams!” - said the man.

Completely baffled, she said:

“Excuse me?”

“I read your ad in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms so I can't beat you. I have no legs so I can never leave you.”

“But are you good in bed?” - she asked.

He replied:

“How do you think I knocked on the door?!”

   

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Category: Male Chauvinists

MANPOWER PROBLEM

A young executive was looking for a secretary. About 20 girls answered the ad, but after a thorough screening process, only three applicants were left. The executive found it difficult to choose, as all three were equally proficient at their jobs. In the end he decided to test them. He gave each of the prospective secretaries $500 and told them they had complete freedom in deciding how to spend the money.

After a week he called the three and asked them what they did with the $500.

The first said that she went on a shopping spree and blew it all in one day.

The second put the sum in a savings account.        

The third invested the money in shares and made a profit of $200 in one week.

Question: “Which of the applicants got the job?”

Answer: “The one with the big tits.”

   

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