Category: Doctors and Patients

MIRACLE MAN

A doctor who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had his waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room, who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said:

"It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"

She answered:

"What miracle? .  .  . He gave me a longer cane.."

Custom Search

Category: C'est la Vie

BRIEF ONES

¬ If ever you feel an urge for working coming on, withdraw to a quiet corner and wait patiently until it passes.

¬ A man lived for 30 years in a house opposite the cemetery. Now he resides opposite his house.

¬ If there would be 10 people like you, Earth would be a paradise. Trouble is, there are millions.

¬ If you don’t go to other people’s funerals, they will not come to yours.

¬ Learn from your parents’ mistakes: Use prophylactics!

¬ If you paint the devil on the wall, the janitor will kick your ass.  

¬ If you smoke after sex, you are doing it too fast.

Custom Search

Category: C'est la Vie

SOCRATES' LOGIC

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said:

"Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute," - Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test".

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," - Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," - the man said, - "actually I just heard about it and ..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary ..."

"So," - Socrates continued, - "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," - concluded Socrates, - "if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out his best friend was screwing his wife.

Custom Search

Category: Various

BRIEF ONES

¬ Question: What did the insurance salesperson say when he first met Adam and Eva?

Answer:

 "I see that you are not covered."

¬  Question:

“What is the difference between a pedagogue and pedophile?”

Answer:

“Pedophiles like children.”

¬    Two fleas came out of the cinema. One of them asked:

“Shall we walk, or get a dog?”

Custom Search

Category: Boys and Girls

NO CONSENSUS

A Hassidic family was most concerned that their 30-year-old son is unmarried. So they called a marriage broker and asked him to find their son a good wife. The broker came over to their house and spent a long time asking many questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a wife/daughter-in-law. They gave him a long shopping list of requirements.

It took the marriage broker a long time to find a suitable match, but finally he asked to visit the family again. He told them of a wonderful woman he had found. He said she was just the right age for the son...she kept a Glatt Kosher home...she regularly attended Schul and davened by heart...she was a wonderful cook ...she loved children and wanted a large family and to crown it all off, she was drop dead gorgeous.

After hearing all this, the family was very impressed and began to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future. But the son paused and asked:

"Is she also good in bed?"

The marriage broker thought for a moment and answered:

 "Some say yes...some say no."

Custom Search

Category: Blondes

IN CHURCH

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation:

"Someone in this Congregation has spread a rumor, that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community can't tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued:

"Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke:

"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Custom Search

Category: At Work

UNION HOUSE

A dedicated union worker was attending a convention in Kalgoorlie, Western Australia and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam:

"Is this a union house?"

"No," - she replied, - "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," - she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded:

"Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."
The man asked:

"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" - the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.  

"I'd like her," - he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," - said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, - "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

Custom Search