Category: C'est la Vie CAMPING TRIP Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” “And what does that tell you?” “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it tells me that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute and then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: Finished My Vacation Back from my holiday I have returned home and starting now, am resuming the daily publication of fresh jokes. I hope to see you here and welcome your comments. If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: Business is Business A BARGAIN The same joke really, than the one published yesterday, but the action and venue are completely different. An elderly couple came to a sex therapist’s office asked him to watch their copulating technique. The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said: “As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” – and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the fee and leave. Finally the doctor asked: “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?” The man replied: “We are not trying to find out anything. My friend here is married and we cannot go to her house, I’m married too and we cannot go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $90, the Hilton charges $108, we do it here for $50 and I get back $43 from Medicare.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: Business Is Business COLLATERAL A well-dressed man walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told him that he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer said that the bank would need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man handed over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer said: “We were very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzled us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The man replied: “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: Boys and Girls IMPERCEPTIBLE At the New Year Eve ball, a young man noticed a ravishing woman and asked her for a dance. The lady looked him over and then uttered devastatingly: “Did you really think I would dance with a child?” The young man apologized: “Excuse me Madam, I really didn’t know you were pregnant.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: Boys and Girls PRACTICAL GIRL “Let’s picnic, Samantha,” – suggested the boy. “All right, Alfie,” – agreed the girl, – “but I would like to eat something first.” THE ONLY ONE Said the young woman to her suitor, who was whispering niceties into her ear: “Whom do you take me for? How many other women are you fooling around with?” “I swear my dear,” – protested the man his innocence – “you are the only one.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: Blondes INDEFINITELY DELAYED Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced: “One of our engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left.” Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced: “One more engine has failed and the flight will take two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left.” An hour later the Captain announced: “One more engine has failed and the flight will last three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left.” One blonde looked at the other and said: “If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: At Work GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES A guy went to the U. S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asked him: "Have you been in the service?" "Yes," - he said. "I was in Viet Nam for three years." The interviewer said: "That will give you extra points toward employment". Then he asked: "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy said: "Yes 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off." The interviewer told the guy: "O. K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A. M. to 4:00 P. M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 9:00 A. M. The guy was puzzled and said: "If the hours are from 8:00 A. M. to 4:00 P. M. then why do you want me to come in at 9:00 A. M?" "This is a government job," - the interviewer replied. "For the first hour we just sit around scratching our balls....... no point in you coming in for that.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: At the Restaurant JEWISH A waiter came over to a table full of Jewish women and asked: "Is anything all right?" SMART DECISION A man came into a restaurant and inquired of the head waiter: “That soup I had yesterday. Is there any left?” “Certainly, sir.” “Then I shall go to another restaurant.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: At the Court of Law GOURMET A forest ranger caught a man sitting at a campfire and eating a bald eagle. The man was consequently brought before a court of law. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this: Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?” Man: “Yes I do. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened.” Judge: “Proceed.” Man: “I got lost in the woods, hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks and I was literally starving. Next thing I saw a bald eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I thought that if I followed it I could maybe steal the fish. The eagle lighted upon a tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the bird hoping it would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off and the rock hit the eagle squarely on its poor little head and killed it. I thought about what had happened, but figured that since I killed it, I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful than to let it rot on the ground.” Judge: “The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony.” 15 minutes went by and the judge returned. Judge: “Due to the extreme circumstances you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges.” The Judge then leaned over the bench and whispered: “If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?” Man: “Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is somewhere between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: At School LOGIC The exams were coming up and the young man on the bus was deeply engrossed in his reading. “What is your book about?” - asked the passenger in the seat next to him. “It is about the study of ‘Logic’”. “And what exactly is logic?” - insisted his neighbor. “I can try and explain,” - replied the student. “Do you happen to have an aquarium?” “As a matter of fact, I do,” - replied his fellow passenger. “Then you probably have some fish in it.” “I do.” “Then it could be said, that you are an animal lover.” “You could say that.” “If you like animals then you probably like people too,” - pressed on the student. “Of course I do,” - replied the passenger, curious where this was all leading to. “If you like people in general then you must like women too.” “That I certainly do.” “If so, then logically you are not a homosexual,” - summed up the young man. “Do you now understand what ‘Logic’ is all about?” “I think I got the idea.” After a while the bus arrived at its destination and the passengers went on their ways. The passenger entered a bar and ordered a beer. Nursing his glass and happy with his newly acquired knowledge he said to the barman: “I learned a terrific new word today.” “What is the word?” “Logic,” - replied the erstwhile passenger. “And what does it mean?” - inquired the barman, just to keep the conversation going. “I can explain,” - said his patron. “Do you have an aquarium?” “No,” - replied the barman. “Then logic says you are gay.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: Army Stories NOTHING WORKS The parachutist-trainees were getting ready for their first jump. The officer gave them last minute instructions: “At 1,000 meters pull string No. 1. In the very rare case that your parachute doesn’t open, string No. 2 is provided as a backup and pulling that will get you safely to the ground. A lorry will wait for you there and take you back to camp.” A trainee jumped, pulled string No. 1. The parachute didn’t open, so he pulled string No. 2 and again nothing happened. “Typical!” – grumbled the trainee, – “I won’t be surprised if the lorry isn’t waiting either.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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