Category: Misers

AGREEMENT

“Tom, mate, I see that your business is prospering. Can you loan me some money?”

“I cannot,” – replied Tom. “I have an agreement with the bank.”

“What sort of agreement?”

“They are not selling hot-dogs, I’m not loaning money.”

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Category: Business is Business

GOT HIM BY THE...

An elderly lady carrying a soiled lunch bag, walked into the main offices of the Chase Manhattan Bank, went to the nearest teller's window, plunked down the bag and said:

“I wish to make a deposit, but beforehand I'd like to meet with the President of the bank.”

The clerk was about to explain that this was quite impossible, when a quick look showed that there were over a million dollars in cash in the sack! Flabbergasted, he called upstairs to the President's office and explained the situation to his secretary, who relayed it to her boss. The old lady was ushered upstairs into the President’s office and introductions were made. Wondering how this old lady had come by such a tidy sum, the President inquired:

“Are you in the stock market?”

“No.”

“Play the horses then...?”

“No... actually I do wager,....... but I prefer to bet on people.”

“I see,” - said the President.

“As a matter of fact”, - continued the old lady, - “I will wager you $25,000 that by tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock your balls will be square!”

Speculating that he could not possibly lose this bet, the President said:

“I'll have to take you up on that one!”

He and the old lady shook hands and parted company. The President was very careful the rest of the day and to avoid risk, did not go out that evening. Next morning as he was showering, he checked himself and all was as it should be. He went to work humming. At exactly 9 o'clock the old lady was again shown into the President's office, only this time accompanied by a distinguished looking gentleman in an expensive suit. The woman explained:

“This is my attorney. I always bring him along when dealing in large sums.”

The President acknowledged the lawyer and then said:

“Well I hate to tell you this, but I am the same as yesterday only $25,000 richer!”

The old lady asked for proof and in light of the sum involved, the President agreed to drop his trousers to allow the old lady to grasp his scrotum. At this point the attorney started to bang his head against the President's desk with vigor.

“What's wrong with him?” - asked the President.

“Oh him”, - said the woman, - “I bet him $100,000 yesterday that by 9.15 tomorrow I would have the President of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls!”

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Category: Misers

AGREEMENT

“Tom, mate, I see that your business is prospering. Can you loan me some money?”

“I cannot,” – replied Tom. “I have an agreement with the bank.”

“What sort of agreement?”

“They are not selling hot-dogs, I’m not loaning money.”

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Category: Business Is Business COLLATERAL A well-dressed man walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told him that he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer said that the bank would need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man handed over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer said: “We were very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzled us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The man replied: “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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