Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies

THE OSTRICH
A man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asked them for their orders. The man said:
"A hamburger, fries and a coke" - and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," - said the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returned with the order:
"That will be $9.40 please," - and the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact
change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man said:
"A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich said:
"I'll have the same."
Again the man reached into his pocket and paid with exact change. This became routine, until the two entered again.
"The usual?" asked the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad.
Shortly the waitress brought the order and said:
"That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulled the exact change out of his pocket and placed it on the table. The waitress couldn't hold back her curiosity any longer:
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," - said the man, - "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there."
"That's brilliant!" said the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars, or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," - said the man.
The waitress asked:
"So, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighed, paused and answered:
"My second wish was for a tall chick with  big breasts and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Category: Parenting

FREE WILL
On the eve of his son’s departure to study at a university abroad, the anxious father asked:
“You will write often, won’t you son?”
“Of course I will Dad, but from time to time you can send some money on your own volition.”

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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Category: Ethnic Stories

FLUCTUATIONS

A Chinese lady on holiday in London went to the bank to change some Hong Kong Dollars into pounds. She asked what the exchange rate was and the teller said:

“HK$12.50 for 1.”

She went ahead and changed some money. The next day she needed some more pounds and went back to the bank. This time the teller said:

“HK$12.80 for 1.”

The Chinese lady wondered:

“What's going on? Yesterday it was only $12.50 and today it's $12.80?”

The snotty British teller said:

“Fluctuations Madame.”

The Chinese lady replied:

“Well, fuck you caucasions too!”

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Saturday, February 27, 2010

Category: Misers

AGREEMENT

Tom, mate, I see that your business is prospering. Can you loan me some money?”

“I cannot,” – replied Tom. “I have an agreement with the bank.”

“What sort of agreement?”

“They are not selling hot-dogs, I’m not loaning money.”

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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Category: ECUMENICAL STORIES HYMNS

The Sunday before Christmas, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most, would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering.

He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady, all the way in the back, shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said:

“I’ll take him and him and him.”

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