Category: On the Farm

HALF WIT

  A man owned a small farm in Indiana. The Indiana State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," - demanded the agent.

"Well," - replied the farmer, - "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit, who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," - said the agent.

"That would be me,"  - replied the farmer.

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Category: Technology/Computers
SEDUCTION SCENE

Another, sport-slanted, variation of the delightful little story published yesterday:

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, saw an unusual speck on the horizon.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” - he thought to himself. As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf came this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approached the stunned guy and asked:

“How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years!” - he said.

She reached over, unzipped a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulled out a packet of fresh cigarettes. He took one, lighted it and after taking a long drag and sighed:

“Man, oh man! Is that ever good!”

She then asked him:

“How long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?”

Trembling, he replied:

“Ten years!”

She unzipped the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulled out a flask and gave it to him. The man opened the flask, took a long swig and said:

“Wow, that’s absolutely fantastic!”

The woman then started slowly unzipping the long zipper that ran down the front of her wet suit, looked at him seductively and asked:

“And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

The guy, with tears in his eyes, replied:

“Oh sweet Lord God! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

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