EASY BET
The Inland Revenue decided to audit Clement, summoned him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who was not surprised when Clement arrived with his solicitor. The auditor said:
“Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that Her Majesty's Customs and Excise finds that explanation difficult to believe.”
“I am a great gambler and can prove it,” - said Clement. “Would you like a demonstration?”
The auditor considered this for a moment and agreed. Clement said:
“I bet you a thousand pounds I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thought for a while, finally said:
“It's a bet.”
Clement removed his glass eye and bite it. The auditor looked sick.
“I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye” - said Clement. The auditor could see Clement wasn't blind, so he accepted the bet. Clement removed his false teeth and bite the good eye. The stunned auditor now realized he has bet and lost £3,000, with Clement's solicitor as a witness; he got very nervous.
"Double or quits?” - said Clement. “I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on the right-hand side of your desk and piss into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between.”
The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but examined the proposal carefully. Clement was not a tall man; he was old;, the desk was eight foot wide; he decided there is simply no way Clement could do that, so he agreed again. Clement stood at the side of the desk, unzipped his trousers, strained for all he was worth, but could not make the stream reach the bin on the far side and finished up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leapt with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then noticed that Clement's solicitor is moaning, with his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” - asked the auditor.
“Not really,” said the solicitor. “This morning, when Clement told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me £20,000, that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet."
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