Category: Ethnic Stories

TIE

 A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties. The Taliban asked:

“Do you have water?”

 The Jewish man replied:

“I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”

The Taliban shouted:

“Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie; I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first.”

“OK,” - said the old Jewish man, - “it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.”

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back.

“Your fucking brother won't let me in without a tie.”

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Category: In the Middle East

ASKING IS LEARNING

On one of his journeys across the desert, the Bedouin took his young son with him, so that he would learn something of the desert lore. As they set off at dawn, the boy asked:

“Tell me Baba, why does the sun rise every day on this side and set on that side?”

The Bedouin scratched his head through his kaffiyeh* and said thoughtfully:

“I truly don’t know. I never really thought of it.”

In the evening they reached an oasis and quenched their thirst from the spring beneath the palms. The inquisitive child had another question:

“Baba, why is it, that everything is dry all around and only here water comes out of the earth?”   

“A good question, but I don’t know the answer. It was always like that, even during our ancestors’ days.”

At night, when they the lied under their blankets, the boy looked up at the star-studded sky and wondered aloud:

“Do you know Baba, what the stars are?”

“No, Son,” - replied his father, - “I really have no idea.”

At the end of their journey, the boy said to his parent:

“I hope I did not bother you too much with my questions and that you will take me again.”

“You did not bother me at all,” - replied the Bedouin, - “you should ask questions. How else would you acquire knowledge?”

* Kaffiyeh: A cloth headdress fastened by a band around the crown and usually worn by Arab men.

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Category: In the Middle East MADE HIS POINT

At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding the conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Representative. The Israeli began:

“Ladies and gentlemen, before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you... When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies and even more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. As Moses wished to cleanse himself, he went over to the other side of the pond, took of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Only when he came out of the water, has he discovered that all his clothes have been stolen... I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians were those who stole them.”

Hearing this accusation, Yasser Arafat jumped out of his seat and screamed:

“This is a lie. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!”

“And with that in mind” – said the Israeli Representative, – “let me begin my speech...”

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Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies JEWISH GENIE An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst. He was crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand and discovered that it was a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie. But this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic rabbi, complete with black capote coat, black hat, side curls, etc. “Well, kid,” - said the genie. “You know how it works. You have three wishes.” “I’m not going to trust you,” said the Arab. “I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!” “What do you have to lose? It looks like you’re a goner anyway!” The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that the genie was right. “OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink.” *POOF* The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. “OK, kid, what’s your second wish?” “My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.” *POOF* The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. “OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!” After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab said: “I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women.” *POOF* The Arab was turned into a Tampax. The moral of the story is: If you do business with a Jewish genie, there’s going to be a string attached.

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