Category: Lawyers

REALLY GENEROUS

The UJF (United Jewish Fund) realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his elegant office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying:

"Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to Israel. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the UJF?"

The lawyer thought for a minute and said:

"First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the UJF rep mumbled:

"Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," - said the lawyer, - "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken UJF rep began to stammer an apology, but was cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, said:

"I'm sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer said:

"So... if I didn't give any money to them, what in the hell makes you think I'd ever give any to you?"

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

FAMILY MATTER

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by the sight of a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed:

“Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine,” - the nun said while patting his hand. “We do have to know, however, how do you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”

“No, I'm not,” - the man whispered hoarsely.

“Can you pay in cash?”

“I'm afraid I can't, Sister.”

“Do you have any close relatives, then?”

“Just my sister in New Mexico,” - replied the man, - “but she's a spinster nun.”

“Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith,” - the nun replied. “They are married to God.”

“Okay,” - the man said with a smile, - “then bill my brother-in-law.”

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Category: Lawyers REALLY GENEROUS

The UJF (United Jewish Fund) realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his elegant office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying:

"Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to Israel. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the UJF?"

The lawyer thought for a minute and said:

"First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the UJF rep mumbled:

"Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," - said the lawyer, - "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken UJF rep began to stammer an apology, but was cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, said:

"I'm sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer said:

"So... if I didn't give any money to them, what in the hell makes you think I'd ever give any to you?"

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