Category: Marital Bliss

LIE DETECTOR

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed, was actually a lie detector.

 It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year-old son, returned home from school.  Tommy was over 2 hours late.  

“Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?” - asked John.  

“Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project” - said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

 “Son,” - said John, “this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us where you really were after school?”

“We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie” - said Tommy.  

“What did you watch?” - asked Marsha. 

“The Ten Commandments” - answered Tommy.  

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said:

“I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.”

“I am ashamed of you son,” - said John. “When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.”

 The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said:

“Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You cannot be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!”

With that, the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

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Category: Simpletons

BAD FILM

The police captain angrily questioned two policemen, who the previous evening had lost track of a break-and-enter suspect.

“What happened?” – he demanded.
“The burglar escaped into a movie-theater.”
“And why didn’t you follow him there?”
“We already saw the film.”

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Category: Boys and Girls

MISNOMER

It was the spring of 1957 and Bobby went to pick up his date. He was a pretty hip guy, with his own car. When he arrived at the front door, the girl's father invited him in.

“Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?” – he said.

“That's cool,” – said Bobby.

Carrie's father asked Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replied politely that they would probably just go to the soda shop, or a movie. Carrie's father responded:

“Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this came as a quite a surprise to Bobby – so he asked Carrie's Dad to repeat it.

“Yeah,” – said the father, – “Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up and his plans for the evening were beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie came downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announced that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorted his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushed back into the house, slammed the door behind her, and screamed at her father: “DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”

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