Category: Gay Liberation Front

TEEN AGE SEX

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:

"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

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Category: Political Jokes

SHE ALWAYS HAS THE LAST WORD

The President and the First Lady were out in their car when they stopped by a gas station. There are certain needs, which even people in their exalted position cannot disregard. When the Prez returned from the washroom, he overheard the attendant addressing his spouse by her first name and as they were driving away, both waved to each other in a friendly way.

“Who was that guy?” – demanded the Chief of State.

“Oh, just a someone I used to date before I met you,” – replied his wife nonchalantly.

“Then you are lucky you met me. You could be married now to a gas-station attendant.”

“Or maybe, he would be the President of the US.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

WIDOWS

Sadie and Yetta, two widows, were talking:

Sadie: “That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before answer I give him.” Yetta: “Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. And like such a mensch (=decent human being) he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs and what's there but such a beautiful car...a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for a dinner, marvelous dinner. Kosher even! Then we go see a show.... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just burst! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me!”

Sadie: “Oy vey... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?”

Yetta: “No... I'm just saying that if you do, you should wear a shmatta (=rag).”

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Category: Boys and Girls

MISNOMER

It was the spring of 1957 and Bobby went to pick up his date. He was a pretty hip guy, with his own car. When he arrived at the front door, the girl's father invited him in.

“Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?” – he said.

“That's cool,” – said Bobby.

Carrie's father asked Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replied politely that they would probably just go to the soda shop, or a movie. Carrie's father responded:

“Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this came as a quite a surprise to Bobby – so he asked Carrie's Dad to repeat it.

“Yeah,” – said the father, – “Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up and his plans for the evening were beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie came downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announced that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorted his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushed back into the house, slammed the door behind her, and screamed at her father: “DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”

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Category: Boys and Girls OBVIOUS DIFFERENCE

They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant. The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off, the woman was a joy to any eye - very young, ravishing and delectable. As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat. She scanned the menu yet again, and said:

“To begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of English sole followed by pheasant under glass, plus an a la carte order of asparagus tips. For dessert, they may just bring the cart.”

Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite, but also by the cost of all of this, he asked:

“Tell me. Do you eat this well at home too?”

“Well, no,” – she admitted, – “but no one at home wants to sleep with me.”

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Category: Parenting IRONCLAD

Like all doting parents the Smiths were worried sick about their daughter’s first date. They instructed her to be at home at exactly 11 p.m. and as an added measure, they made her wear panties made of tin foil. When the girl didn’t show up at the specified hour, her apprehensive folks went searching for her. After checking all the obvious places, nearby cafés, park benches, dark doorways, they finally reached a kiosk at the edge of a small wooded area and asked the owner if he has seen a young girl and boy.

“This is the hour of lovers and many youngsters pass by,” - answered the proprietor. “Can you give me a more precise description?”

“The young man looks like a hooligan,” - answered the parents - “whereas the girl has long blonde hair and an innocent-looking face.”

“I saw several couples fitting this description. Does she have any distinctive markings?”

“She does indeed. A metallic sound is heard, when she walks.”

“Now that you mention it, a while ago a pair of young people were here. They seemed to be in an awful hurry and asked for a tin-opener.”

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