Category: Viagra

GOLFER

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue  "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked:

"How many?"

The man replied:

"Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said:

"That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy.”

The old fellow said:

"Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes.

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Category: Women's Lib

GOD'S GIFTS

God was just about done creating the universe, but he had a couple of leftover things in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee.

“It's a very handy thing,” - God told the couple, who he found hanging around under an apple tree. “I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability.”

Adam popped a cork. Jumped up and begged:

“Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. I'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden, or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please...”

On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee). Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee. And so it was. And it was...well, good.

“Fine,” - God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts. “What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms...”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

REALLY PAINFUL

Two five-year-old boys were standing at the toilet to pee. One said:

“Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!”

“I've been circumcised.”

“What's that mean?”

“It means they cut the skin off the end.”

“How old were you when it was cut off?”

“My mom said I was eight days old.”

“Did it hurt?”

“You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!”

   

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Category: Ethnic Stories

LOST AT SEA

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out:
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

(NOT SO) UNWILLING VICTIM

Brenda O'Malley was home, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrived at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” - he asked. “I've somethin' to tell ya.”

“Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?”

“That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...”

“Oh, God no!” - cried Brenda. “Please don't tell me...”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.”

Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up.

“How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, no Brenda...no.”

“No?”

“Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

THOSE ITALIANS!

[NOTE: For true enjoyment, read the man's part with a good ol' Italian accent....]

A bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat themselves and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored their conversation at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” - retorted the lady indignantly, - “in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” - said the man. “Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi.”

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Category: Women's Lib GOD'S GIFTS

God was just about done creating the universe, but he had a couple of leftover things in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee.

“It's a very handy thing,” - God told the couple, who he found hanging around under an apple tree. “I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability.”

Adam popped a cork. Jumped up and begged:

“Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. I'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden, or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please...”

On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee). Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee. And so it was. And it was...well, good.

“Fine,” - God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts. “What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms...”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Viagra GOLFER

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked:

"How many?"

The man replied:

"Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said:

"That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy.”

The old fellow said:

"Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes.

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Old Age Humiliations NIGHT LIGHT Old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said: “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and do you have a good relationship with God?” George replied: “I'm eating well and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I’m done *poof* the light goes off.” “Wow!” - commented Dr. Smith. “That’s incredible!” A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Ethel,” - he said, - “George is doing fine. Physically he’s great. One thing though, I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?” Ethel exclaimed: “Oh, no! He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!” Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Ethnic Stories (NOT SO) UNWILLING VICTIM

Brenda O'Malley was home, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrived at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” - he asked. “I've somethin' to tell ya.”

“Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?”

“That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...”

“Oh, God no!” - cried Brenda. “Please don't tell me...”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.”

Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up.

“How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, no Brenda...no.”

“No?”

“Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories THOSE ITALIANS! [NOTE: For true enjoyment, read the man's part with a good ol' Italian accent....] A bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat themselves and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored their conversation at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.” “You foul-mouthed swine,” - retorted the lady indignantly, - “in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!” “Hey, coola down lady,” - said the man. “Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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