Category: Genies, Jinns & Fairies

ALWAYS ON THE CALL

Remember the DDR, the East German Republic? And remember Erich Honneker, the greatly hated leader of this now defunct state? He played an important part in many a joke, recounted with relish, in those not-so-long-ago days in Eastern Europe. 

Shortly before retiring for the night, Brezhnev was having a few drinks of vodka, when suddenly a genie appeared at his bedside. Before the astonished Communist leader could summon his guards, the apparition declared:

“Do not fear mortal! I am here to fulfill three of your wishes.”

Brezhnev did not really believe in spirits, but played along and to test the apparition’s credibility, wished that his bed would turn into a waterbed. Even before he finished speaking, his heavy body was immersed in the soft contours of the latest in waterbed models from California. His second wish was to convert his Kremlin bedroom, into an American-style suite. No sooner was his wish uttered, than it became a reality and he found himself in a luxurious, air conditioned apartment, complete with a well-equipped bar, TV wall, stereo, exercise-bicycle, etc. Brezhnev did not have to think long. His last wish was to have a nubile, voluptuous maiden at his side on the bed. As he saw the curvaceous form, languorously reclining on the pillow next to him, he could not help himself, but sighing out loudly:

“Now all I need is a good schmuck!”

Just as he finished his words, a knock sounded and Erich Honneker appeared at the door:

“Did you call, Boss?”

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Category: Ethnic Stories ACCURATE DESCRIPTION

A construction worker fell off some scaffolding and died on the spot. The police sergeant, who came to investigate the work accident, was told to speak to the two Polish workers, who had worked with the dead man for the last several years. He started off with a few simple questions:

“Can you tell me the name of the deceased?”

“John,” - came the prompt answer from both of the men.

“John who?”

The two shrugged:

“We don’t know. We never asked him his surname.”

“So maybe you can tell me his address?”

Another shrug.

“We don’t know. After work John always went to the right, we went to the left and that is all we know.”

The sergeant tried another track:

“Does he have a wife, or any other family?”

“We don’t know. We never asked.”

Now the policeman became really exasperated.

“Is there anything you do know?”

The two were overjoyed. At last they could be of help:

“We know that John had two schmucks.”

“How can you know such a thing?” - asked the surprised sergeant.

“Well, on pay-day we used to have a beer together and every time we entered the pub the bartender said:

“Here comes John and his two schmucks!”

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