Category: Simpletons

WHICH ONE?

A rookie policeman was calling up his station on his pocket radio:

“I’m outside the Plaza Mall,” - he reported. “A man has been robbed I’ve got one them.”

“Which one?” - asked the operator.

“The one that was robbed.”

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Category: Blondes

BLIND

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned:

"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

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Category: Naughty Jokes

BALL AT THE SAVOY

It was a sultry summer day and the elderly lady, who walked by a policeman standing at the corner, could not help wondering, why he kept doing deep knee-bends.

“Excuse me, Officer,” - she asked - “what is it that you are doing?”

“You know the ballroom at the Savoy?” - asked the policeman.

“But there is no ballroom at the Savoy,” - said the surprised lady.

“There is no ballroom here either,” - said the guardian of the law and pointed at his trousers.

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Category: Simpletons THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING

While her husband was at work, the policeman’s wife was entertaining three men simultaneously. Unexpectedly, she heard his car in the driveway. At a loss as what to do at such short notice, she hid the men in some sacks in the kitchen. As her husband went to the fridge to get some cold beer, he noticed the sacks. He kicked the first one:

“Meow,” - a plaintive mewing was heard from the sack.

“Hmmm, my wife probably bought a cat.”

He kicked the second sack.

“Woof-woof,” - a gruff barking was heard from the sack.

“Oh, I see that she also bought a dog.”

The policeman kicked the third sack. Nothing. He kicked it again. Still nothing. As he kicked it for the third time, the man in the sack shouted desperately:

“Potatoes, you moron, potatoes!”

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Category: Simpletons NEW SHOES

“Look darling,” – said the policeman to his wife, – “I bought myself a new pair of shoes. Unfortunately I will have to wait a few days until I can wear them.”

“Why?”

“The seller said they would be a little tight during the first few days.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories ACCURATE DESCRIPTION

A construction worker fell off some scaffolding and died on the spot. The police sergeant, who came to investigate the work accident, was told to speak to the two Polish workers, who had worked with the dead man for the last several years. He started off with a few simple questions:

“Can you tell me the name of the deceased?”

“John,” - came the prompt answer from both of the men.

“John who?”

The two shrugged:

“We don’t know. We never asked him his surname.”

“So maybe you can tell me his address?”

Another shrug.

“We don’t know. After work John always went to the right, we went to the left and that is all we know.”

The sergeant tried another track:

“Does he have a wife, or any other family?”

“We don’t know. We never asked.”

Now the policeman became really exasperated.

“Is there anything you do know?”

The two were overjoyed. At last they could be of help:

“We know that John had two schmucks.”

“How can you know such a thing?” - asked the surprised sergeant.

“Well, on pay-day we used to have a beer together and every time we entered the pub the bartender said:

“Here comes John and his two schmucks!”

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Category: Simpletons LOGICAL Two policemen were walking on the banks of a dried out stream. “How did all these pebbles get here?” “They were carried by the stream.” “And where is the stream now?” “Probably went to fetch more pebbles.”

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Category: Straight from the Hip SOUND ADVICE A woman of dubious reputation complained to the corner policeman: “Yesterday in the neighborhood café someone called me a whore.” “Why do you go to places where they know you?”

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Category: Naughty Jokes BALL AT THE SAVOY It was a sultry summer day and the elderly lady, who walked by a policeman standing at the corner, could not help wondering, why he kept doing deep knee-bends. “Excuse me, Officer,” - she asked - “what is it that you are doing?” “You know the ballroom at the Savoy?” - asked the policeman. “But there is no ballroom at the Savoy,” - said the surprised lady. “There is no ballroom here either,” - said the guardian of the law and pointed at his trousers.

If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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Category: 'English' Jokes IT DOES NOT HELP There used to be a time, when these wry jokes, which derive their humor from unexpected twists in the story line and were known for some reason as English jokes, were very much in vogue. In the early evening hours, a policeman stopped a cyclist: “Sir, your headlight doesn’t function. You will have to dismount.” The man disagreed: “I tried that and it doesn’t help.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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