Category: Doctors and Patients

COSMETIC OPERATION

A sexually active woman told her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. 

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the doctor:

 "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" 

 The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: 

"I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself. The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago." 

"And what about the third rose?"-  she asked.

“That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

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Category: Doctors and Patients

BIG EYE

In the prime of her career the world famous painter started losing her eyesight. Desperate, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: The doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall and asked the doctor:
'What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?'
The eye doctor responded:
“I said to myself 'Thank the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist.“

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Category: Simpletons NOT MINE

As a result of an accident in the workshop, a foreman’s ear was cut off. His co-workers rushed him to the nearest hospital. The duty-surgeon examined the patient and then asked:

“Did anyone have the sense to bring the missing organ? If no time is wasted, it can be reattached and all that will remain from the accident will be an almost unnoticeable scar.”

When they all shook their heads in negation he ordered them to hasten back to the workshop and retrieve it. A short while later the ear was brought to the hospital in a plastic bag. After the blood was washed off, the injured man was asked if this is his ear.

“No,” - said the man, - “mine had a pencil behind it.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes NEW ANGLE

When the surgeon came to see his young patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed. So the doctor asked:

“What's wrong?”

“Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal sex life?”

“Uh...” - stammered the stunned surgeon, - “I hadn't really thought about it. You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy.”

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Category: Doctors and Patients BIG EYE

In the prime of her career the world famous painter started losing her eyesight. Desperate, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.

The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: The doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall and asked the doctor:

'What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?'

The eye doctor responded:

“I said to myself 'Thank the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist.'“

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Category: Doctors and Patients REAL PROFESSIONALS

One night a man and a woman were both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They started talking and came to realize that they were both doctors. After about an hour, the man said to0the woman:

“Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached. It’ll just be one night of fun.”

The woman doctor agreed. They went back to her place and she took the man to the bedroom. She went to the bathroom and started scrubbing up like she was about to go into the operating room. She scrubbed for a good ten minutes. Finally she returned to the bedroom and they had sex for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man said to the woman:

“You’re a surgeon, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

The man said:

“I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” - said the woman. “You’re an anesthesiologist aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” - said the man, a bit surprised. “How did you know?”

“The woman answered:

“Because I didn’t feel a thing.”

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