Category: Doctors and Patients

BRIEF NOTES

¬ The gynecologist returned home after a rather tiring day. He could not find his keys and had to ring the bell. When his wife opened the door, he murmured:

“Thank God, at last a face!”

¬ A lady phoned her internist:

“Doctor, have I by any chance, left my panties at the clinic?”

Upon receiving a negative answer, she muttered to herself:

“Then I must have left them at the dentist’s!”

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Category: Doctors and Patients

TEMPTING JOB

A bloke came into the Job Centre in Edinburgh and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he wanted to learn more.

 "Can you give me some more details about this?" - he asked the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre oppo sorted through his files & replied:

"Oh yes, here it is. OK the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and wash their nether regions. Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There's an annual salary of £45,000 but you're going to have to go to Glasgow."

"Oh why, is that where the job's at?"

"No, that's the end of the queue."

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Category: Doctors and Patients

PERFECT SCORE

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, the gynecologist decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying:

"I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said:

"During the exam, you  took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.  You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

The instructor went on to say:

"I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

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Category: Doctors and Patients

BRIEF ONES

¬ Question:

“Why does the gynecologist use two fingers during his examination?”

 Answer:

“He wants a second opinion.”

¬ Question:

“What is it? Has a wet nose and wears spectacles?”

Answer:

“A shortsighted gynecologist.”

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Category: Doctors and Patients

BIG EYE

In the prime of her career the world famous painter started losing her eyesight. Desperate, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: The doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall and asked the doctor:
'What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?'
The eye doctor responded:
“I said to myself 'Thank the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist.“

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Category: Naughty Jokes

PROFESSIONALS

A woman, getting married for the fourth time, went to a bridal shop and asked for a white dress.

“You can't wear white,” - reminded the sales clerk. “You've been married three times already.”

“Of course I can, I'm a virgin!” - said the bride.

“Impossible,” - said the sales clerk.

“Unfortunately not,” - the bride explained. “My first husband was a psychologist. All he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector.... God do I miss him!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

VENUE CHANGE

One night, as a couple laid down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turned over and said:

“I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear:

“Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

PURE COINCIDENCE

In the late afternoon hours, a well-dressed lady came into the pub, took a seat at the bar and ordered a triple whisky. The place was almost deserted, so the bartender had time on his hands to satisfy his curiosity. As he brought her the glass, he asked:

“Excuse me for asking, but are you celebrating anything? I mean, it is not every day that a lone lady walks onto the premises and orders a whisky and a triple one at that.”

“Indeed, it is a special occasion and I don’t mind telling you about it,” - replied the woman. “For many years I have been trying to get pregnant and have had no success. I am just returning from my gynecologist who told me that I am pregnant at last.”

The barman congratulated his customer and went back to his work. Not long afterwards a man looking like a farmer, came into the pub, found a place at the bar and ordered a large whisky. The bartender, being a curious man, asked the farmer, if he is celebrating anything.

“Of course I am,” - replied the man. “I make my living from a chicken-farm and during the last year the damn hen would not lay eggs, at least not as many, as they used to.”

“So what did you do?” - asked the bartender again.

“The obvious,” - came the reply. “Changed cocks.”

“What a coincidence!” - muttered the lone woman to herself.

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Category: Doctors and Patients BIG EYE

In the prime of her career the world famous painter started losing her eyesight. Desperate, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.

The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: The doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall and asked the doctor:

'What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?'

The eye doctor responded:

“I said to myself 'Thank the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist.'“

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Category: Doctors and Patients MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

A woman came to the gynecologist with a complaint:

“I have been trying to become pregnant for more than ten years, but I have not succeeded.”

The physician gave the woman a thorough medical check-up and found absolutely nothing wrong with her.

“Excuse me” - he said finally - “but how does your husband perform the sexual act?”

“Always from behind,” - answered the patient.

“Then if you truly want to have children, tell him to assume the frontal position.”

“Then how shall I be able to watch TV?” - complained the woman.

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