Category: At School

COMEBACK

A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, or a serious personal injury, or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked:

"What would you say if tomorrow I said that I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head and sweetly said:

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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Category: Ethnic Stories

THE HASSID AND THE BLONDE

Schlomo the Hassid was standing by a hotel bar about an hour before Shabbat all dressed up in his special Shabbat clothes. A magnificent looking blonde airline hostess, with legs that go on forever, and breasts that are just waiting to envelop you, had just finished checking in, and was on her way to the elevator, when she saw the Hassid. She stopped dead in her tracks and walked over to him.
"Hi" - she said.
"Hullo" - he answered.
"I have a confession to make to you," - she said.
He nodded.
"I have a sexual fantasy".
He nodded.
"I want to be with a Hassidic man. I want to run my hands up and down his white silk socks, run my hands over his tzitzis, play with his gartel, run my fingers through his beautiful beard and play with his payiss. In fact I want you now and I have a room upstairs. Will you join me for half an hour?"
He looked at her thoughtfully and said:
"And what's in it for me?"

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

CONFESSION

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
"Father .. during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied:
"That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."
"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."
The priest said:
"By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed
forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question ..."
"And what is that?" - asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"

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Category: At the Court-of-Law

FULLY EQUIPPED

 The old geezer was brought before the judge and accused of illegal whisky distillation. They found the equipment in his house, but couldn’t quite prove that he was actually using it, so they just fined him $2,000. After the verdict was pronounced, the accused requested to make a statement:

“Your Honor, I respectfully request that my fine be increased to $4,000.”
“And what is it that you want to pay the additional $2,000 for?”
“For sexually assaulting a lady.”
“Did you do it?”
“No, but I possess that piece of equipment too.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

CAUTIOUS

A group of scientists was investigating sexual activity at an advanced age. They were told of an old man who at the age of 100 years still brought home twice-weekly streetwalkers. If true, this was indeed a rare phenomena and worth looking into. A black lady scientist was so much intrigued that she volunteered to pick up the old geezer and find out his secret. The lady was young and handsome and the old gent readily swallowed the bait and took the scientist home and ravished her three times. After each session, he took a short nap, but asked the woman to hold his balls in her left hand and in her right his penis while he is asleep and not let go for even a second.
The lady scientist was enthusiastic about having made a sensational discovery, but for safety’s sake asked the old man if there is any connection between his unusual potency and the fact that his tool is held in somebody’s hand. Said the old man:
“Actually none. It’s just that the last black girl I took home, stole my purse.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

NO EXCUSE

A real 'terror' of a college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class and there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late: A medically certifiable illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

A wisecracking student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up:

“But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?”

As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students finally settled down, the professor gave the student a long, appraising look.

“Well,” – he responded, – “I guess you'll just have to write with your other hand.”

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Category: Doctors and Patients MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

A woman came to the gynecologist with a complaint:

“I have been trying to become pregnant for more than ten years, but I have not succeeded.”

The physician gave the woman a thorough medical check-up and found absolutely nothing wrong with her.

“Excuse me” - he said finally - “but how does your husband perform the sexual act?”

“Always from behind,” - answered the patient.

“Then if you truly want to have children, tell him to assume the frontal position.”

“Then how shall I be able to watch TV?” - complained the woman.

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Category: Naughty Jokes SEXUAL HARASSMENT Duracell Bunny became a victim of sexual harassment. Normally, the Bunny keeps going and going and going.... But somebody reversed the polarity and the Bunny kept coming and coming and coming...

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Category: Old Age Humiliations CAUTIOUS

A group of scientists was investigating sexual activity at an advanced age. They were told of an old man who at the age of 100 years still brought home twice-weekly streetwalkers. If true, this was indeed a rare phenomena and worth looking into. A black lady scientist was so much intrigued that she volunteered to pick up the old geezer and find out his secret. The lady was young and handsome and the old gent readily swallowed the bait and took the scientist home and ravished her three times. After each session, he took a short nap, but asked the woman to hold his balls in her left hand and in her right his penis while he is asleep and not let go for even a second.

The lady scientist was enthusiastic about having made a sensational discovery, but for safety’s sake asked the old man if there is any connection between his unusual potency and the fact that his tool is held in somebody’s hand. Said the old man:

“Actually none. It’s just that the last black girl I took home, stole my purse.”

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Category: At School COMEBACK

A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, or a serious personal injury, or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked:

"What would you say if tomorrow I said that I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head and sweetly said:

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Custom Search