Category: Simpletons

NOT MINE

As a result of an accident in the workshop, a foreman’s ear was cut off. His co-workers rushed him to the nearest hospital. The duty-surgeon examined the patient and then asked:

“Did anyone have the sense to bring the missing organ? If no time is wasted, it can be reattached and all that will remain from the accident will be an almost unnoticeable scar.”

When they all shook their heads in negation he ordered them to hasten back to the workshop and retrieve it. A short while later the ear was brought to the hospital in a plastic bag. After the blood was washed off, the injured man was asked if this is his ear.

“No,” - said the man, - “mine had a pencil behind it.” 

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Category: Animal World

SPEED TICKET

The curious snail climbed an oak tree. It climbed and climbed. Fifty years passed and then another fifty years. Then - maybe halfway up - the snail slipped by accident and fell back to earth. It hit itself badly and angrily muttered:

“This is what happens when you move with undue haste!”

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Category: Simpletons NOT MINE

As a result of an accident in the workshop, a foreman’s ear was cut off. His co-workers rushed him to the nearest hospital. The duty-surgeon examined the patient and then asked:

“Did anyone have the sense to bring the missing organ? If no time is wasted, it can be reattached and all that will remain from the accident will be an almost unnoticeable scar.”

When they all shook their heads in negation he ordered them to hasten back to the workshop and retrieve it. A short while later the ear was brought to the hospital in a plastic bag. After the blood was washed off, the injured man was asked if this is his ear.

“No,” - said the man, - “mine had a pencil behind it.”

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Category: Animal Stories CAT ON THE ROOF

A bachelor loved his cat so much that he would hurry home after work to see if everything was all right with it. He hardly ever joined his mates, who usually went to the pub. One day he was sent overseas on business and had to leave his beloved pet with his next-door neighbor, who promised to take good care of it. The next day when the man phoned and asked about the cat’s welfare, he learned to his astonishment that it met with an accident and was dead. The man was grief-stricken. It took him several (long distance) minutes to recover his wits and speak up:

“As a good friend, I expected you would have had some consideration for my feelings and not have sprung this calamity on me so abruptly,”- he said in a broken voice.

“I am sorry that I caused you so much distress,” - answered the neighbor. “How should I have broken the news to you?”

“Well, for example when I asked about the cat, you could have told me that it is on the roof. Then, during our next conversation, you could have told me, that it had fallen off the roof and was badly wounded. Only then, would you have advised me, that although everything possible was done to save its life it had unfortunately died.”

“I understand,” - replied the repentant neighbor.

“And now tell me, how is my mother?” - continued the man.

“She went on the roof,” – came the prompt reply.

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Category: Mother-In-Law GRATIFICATION

A married couple was involved in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so thin. The husband then donated some of his skin. However, the only suitable place was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before. All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful face. One day when she was alone with her husband, she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said:

“Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you!”

He replied: “Oh don't worry, Honey. I get plenty of thanks every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!”

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Category: Marital Bliss A DIFFERENT TYPE OF ACCIDENT

An injured man was brought to the hospital emergency ward. The nurse entering his personal data into the computer asked:

“Are you married?”

“Yes, but it was a car that hit me.”

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