A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband says:"Are you wearing crotch less panties?""Y-e-s," - she answers with a seductive smile."Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat”.He never heard the gunshot.
A bachelor loved his cat so much that he would hurry home after work to see if everything was all right with it. He hardly ever joined his mates, who usually went to the pub. One day he was sent overseas on business and had to leave his beloved pet with his next-door neighbor, who promised to take good care of it. The next day when the man phoned and asked about the cat’s welfare, he learned to his astonishment that it met with an accident and was dead. The man was grief-stricken. It took him several (long distance) minutes to recover his wits and speak up:
“As a good friend, I expected you would have had some consideration for my feelings and not have sprung this calamity on me so abruptly,”- he said in a broken voice.
“I am sorry that I caused you so much distress,” - answered the neighbor. “How should I have broken the news to you?”
“Well, for example when I asked about the cat, you could have told me that it is on the roof. Then, during our next conversation, you could have told me, that it had fallen off the roof and was badly wounded. Only then, would you have advised me, that although everything possible was done to save its life it had unfortunately died.”
“I understand,” - replied the repentant neighbor.
“And now tell me, how is my mother?” - continued the man.
“She went on the roof,” – came the prompt reply.
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HEAVENLY REWARD
A cat died and went to heaven and met there the Lord Himself. The Lord said to the cat:
“You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know.”
The cat thought for a moment and said:
“Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
“Say no more” - said the Lord and instantly a wonderful fluffy pillow appeared. A few days later, six mice were killed in a farming accident and went to heaven. Again, there was the Lord to greet them with the same offer. The mice answered:
“All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?”
The Lord said:
“Say no more” - and fitted each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later the Lord stopped by to see the cat and found him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently woke him and asked:
“How are things since you got here?”
The cat stretched luxuriously, yawned and replied:
“It is wonderful here. Better than I could ever have expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!”
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RECTIFICATION
“Sir, my car hit your cat by accident. I would like to rectify your loss somehow.”
“All right. Can you catch mice?”
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