¬ Question:“What is common between Soya beans and vibrators?”Answer:“Both are meat substitutes.”¬ Question:“Why is it inadvisable to take up with a cigar-smoking woman?”Answer:“Because she’s in the habit of biting the tip off.”¬ Question“What's the definition of ‘Indecent’?”Answer:“When it's in long, in hard, and in deep, it's in decent.”
A modern Orthodox couple, preparing for a religious wedding, met with their rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asked if they had any last questions. The man asked:
“Rabbi, is it true that men and women don't dance together?”
“Yes,” - said the rabbi. “For modesty reasons, men and women always dance separately.”
“So at our wedding, I can't dance with my own wife?”
“Absolutely not. It’s immodest.”
“Well, okay,” - said the man, - “but what about sex?”
“Fine,” - said the rabbi. “It is a mitzvah*, a good thing within the marriage to have children!”
“What about different positions?” - the man asked.
“No problem,” - said the rabbi. “It's a mitzvah!”
“Woman on top?” - the man asked.
“Sure,” - replied the rabbi – “go for it. Sex in a marriage is a mitzvah!”
“Without clothes?”
“Of course! It's a mitzvah!”
“Doggy style?"
"Why not? Another mitzvah!"
“Even on the table?”
“Yes, yes! It's a mitzvah!”
"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"
"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"
“Well, what about standing up?”
“OH, NO! NO!” said the rabbi.
“Why not???” asked the man.
“Could lead to dancing!”
* Mitzvah: A worthy deed, conforming to Jewish religious law.
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The hapless maiden did not have a boyfriend, so she bought herself a vibrator. She was just putting it through its paces, when her father walked in on her.
“And what is my baby-girl doing?” - asked the doting father.
“You know Daddy that I don’t have a lover, so I’m pleasing myself with this little gadget.”
The old man muttered, but knew well how strong desire can be and left wordlessly. The next day the girl came home from work and saw her father sitting in the kitchen, with two bottles of beer and the vibrator on the table before him.
“Dad, what are you doing?”
“Just having a beer with my son-in-law.”
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