Category: Out of Africa THIRD WORLD ENCOUNTER

A boy and his father, visiting from a third world country were at a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father:

“What is this, Father?”

The father responded:

“Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!”

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and out stepped a voluptuous 24-year old woman. The father said to his son:

“Go get your mother.”

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Category: On the Farm TRIBAL CUSTOM

An anthropologist arrived at an out-of-the-way tribe in Africa and was astonished to discover that solely men inhabited the village.

“Where are your wives?” - asked the researcher. “Do you live without women?”

“Not at all,”- answered one of the tribesmen, - “but as required by tradition, every six months our females take the cattle to the mountain pastures and return to the village only after another six months.”

“A very interesting habit,”- remarked the anthropologist politely, - “but tell me, how do you manage without female companionship so long?”

“We keep some sheep in a pen nearby and if somebody feels the urge, they always can accommodate him.”

The research at the tribe took longer than expected and after a few months without a female around, the anthropologist became restless. One evening, when it seemed that nobody was nearby, he sneaked into the pen and started copulating with one of the sheep. Suddenly he heard stifled laughter behind him. When he turned around, he saw that most of the tribes’ members were standing on the sidelines watching his performance and openly snickering.

“What is the matter?” - asked the embarrassed scientist. “Didn’t not you tell me, that when your wives are away you do it with the sheep?”

“Of course we do,” - answered one of the tribesmen, - “what we don’t understand is why you chose the ugliest ewe.”

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Category: On the Farm RANDY

This farmer had about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wanted chicks. So, he went down the road to the next farmer and asked if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer said:

“Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem.”

Well, Randy the rooster cost a lot of money, but the farmer decided he'd be worth it. So, he bought Randy. The farmer took Randy home and set him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk first.

“Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun.”

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Randy took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Randy nailed every hen in the hen house three, or four times, and the farmer was really shocked. After that the farmer heard a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy was in there. Later, the farmer saw Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He got all the geese.

By sunset he saw Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer was distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. The farmer went to bed and waked up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards were circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shook his head and said:

“Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.”

Randy opened one eye, nodded toward the buzzards circling in the sky and said:

“Shhh, they're getting closer!”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

THE RABBI'S ADVICE

An older Jewish gentleman married a younger lady and they were very much in love. However, no matter what the husband did sexually, the woman never achieved orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decided to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listened to their story, stroked his beard and made the following suggestion:

"Hire a good looking, strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife to fantasize and should bring the desired pleasure."

They went home and followed the rabbi's advice. They hired a handsome young man and he waved a towel over them as they made love. It didn't help and she remained unsatisfied. Perplexed, they went back to the rabbi.

"Okay", – said the rabbi to the husband, – "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they followed the rabbi's advice. The young man got into bed with the wife and the husband waved the towel. The young man got to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon had an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiled, looked at the young man and said to him triumphantly:

"You see, schmuck, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

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Category: Old Age Humiliations BROTHEL VISIT

An elderly man went into a brothel and told the madam that he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looked at the man and asked how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old," - he said

"Ninety!" - commented the madam. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry," - said the old man, - "how much do I owe you?"

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Category: Old Age Humiliations CURE ALL

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Bea," - he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" - pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," - she replied, - "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"

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Category: Naughty Jokes SMALL CHANGE

In a pouring rain a taxicab was parked at a deserted street corner when the door opened suddenly and a totally naked woman plunked her wet body down onto the rear seat. She stated her destination, but the cabby just sat there staring at her dumbly in his rearview mirror.

“What's matter?” - asked the woman. “Why don't you start?”

“I was asking myself how you are going to pay the fare?”

In reply, the woman just spread her legs suggestively. The driver asked:

“Got any smaller bills?”

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